Just wondering.... brandyrobin710: I don't know if any of you can help me with a few issues that I'm having but any advice and suggestions would be welcome. I know that none of you truly know our situation but I think that maybe you've at least experienced some of these things and maybe it will shed some light for me.
1) Did any of you find that your ex's started going through new people like Kleenex after you broke up? I've heard that my ex has already been through two girls in 3 weeks! I just wonder if he's doing it to try to forget me or is he doing it because he felt stiffled being in our relationship for so long. It's something I'm trying to understand. I used to think that I understood him but now I don't know who he is anymore. I want to think that he's just dating this furiously because it will make him feel better about our breakup but I may be too optimistic thinking this way.
2) Have any of you had the stubborn ex that even if they wanted to call never will? I feel like if I ever want to talk to him again then it will have to be me (whether he feels bad over dumping me or not). I don't know if he wants to talk to me but I know that he would never call even if he did. He would see this as weakness and admitting that he was wrong (which is something he was NEVER good at).
3) He has been avoiding me so heavily. We pass each other on the road and he doesn't acknowledge I'm alive. I pulled out in front of him the other day and he backed off like 10 car lengths. Is it because he hates me? Is it because he doesn't want to have any contact with me and is trying to keep his distance? It makes me feel like I'm the guilty party here and it wasn't me. Why would somebody do this? I hope it's because he wants to avoid the feeling it stirs up to be near me but it's hard not thinking he just doesn't even want to be around me. I don't understand it though because if he really didn't care about me then he would go about things as usual and "avoiding" me wouldn't be an issue.
4) What's the longest any of you have gone with NC before your ex actually called you back? I guess that's a scary question because a lot of you were married with children. I wasn't married (just long term live-in relationship) and no children. We haven't spoken in three weeks and I really thought he would have called me by now. I guess I'm just fooling myself. Have any of you ever been in the situation where you think "they will never call me again" and then they called after a length of time. How long did that take for them to call?
5) I guess the hardest question that still remains for me is this: How can someone that you have spent everyday with for almost two years just forget that you are alive? I feel that way. I feel forgotten. I feel like he is happy and living the "fun" life and I am nowhere in his thoughts. I know that can't be possible, can it? Please tell me that you know they think about us and what they lost. I think my ex is doing a lot of nasty things right now (drinking, drugs, sex with God knows who). Is this his way of forgetting what he had or is this the person he has become? The day he moved out, he said that he would be physically alive but dead inside. Is he really or was that something to say to make me feel better? I know that he cried a lot when he left. He's really not a crier either. I guess that is what has thrown me here. If he would have been cold, then I guess I would have understood but he sat and cried like he truly didn't want to leave. He left anyway. Was it an act, was it guilt, or should I even care?
6) Would it be the right thing to do to call him and get all of this out for me? Am I better off not knowing? I want to talk to him but I'm afraid to. Even if he misses me, he's going to be cold. I know that about him. He doesn't show emotion well.
I would appreciate anyone's perspective on these things. I was kinda blindsided by him leaving. This is the man that told me I was everything to him (his whole world) and I'm trying to figure out what changed that. I do know that it wasn't me but I'd give anything to get into his mind for an hour to see what he is thinking. The fact that I may never know is killing me.
Brandy
Re: Just wondering.... RSGinATX: [quote author=brandy71 link=topic=21579.msg201792#msg201792 date=1131897669">
1) Did any of you find that your ex's started going through new people like Kleenex after you broke up? [/quote">
Big time. My stbx went through at least 5 guys in 2 months. It's probably not about feeling better about the breakup, but feeling better about themselves. They're on a rush from the attention and excitement. They're drunk on ego.
[quote">
2) Have any of you had the stubborn ex that even if they wanted to call never will? [/quote">
My stbx called, but it was never anything about us. I don't know which was worse, when she'd call and not say anything about our relationship or when she wouldn't call at all.
[quote">
3) Is it because he hates me? Is it because he doesn't want to have any contact with me and is trying to keep his distance? It makes me feel like I'm the guilty party here and it wasn't me. Why would somebody do this? [/quote">
Not sure what his motivations are. But, he's definately not comfortable around you for whatever reason. I wouldn't get too hopeful about any possible lingering feelings he may have though. Even if he has some, he seems to be more commited to getting rid of them than examining them.
[quote">
4) What's the longest any of you have gone with NC before your ex actually called you back? [/quote">
A difficult 2 months. First I wondered why she hadn't called and got frustrated that she hadn't..then, I wondered why she did call and got frustrated that she had...hello rollercoaster >:(
[quote">
5) Please tell me that you know they think about us and what they lost. [/quote">
They do, you can't just forget someone you spent a lot of time with. But don't fool yourself that the memories are the same as they were when you were together. People change the way they think of things to fit the choices they make. If he chose to leave despite all the good things he thought, I can almost guarantee that he began to think less fondly of things before, during, and after he left.
[quote">
6) Would it be the right thing to do to call him and get all of this out for me? Am I better off not knowing? I want to talk to him but I'm afraid to. [/quote">
Knowing, not knowing..all the same in the end...painful either way. You're better off not caring if you know or not. Much easier said than done, but that's the key. If you think he's crazy for leaving than you know there's a lot of good in you...that is the important thing to know.
Re: Just wondering.... hardened_heart1970: no contact gets easier after 2 months or so....
doo NOT call him, unless you want to give him an ego boost.
also, if he calls, and you pick up, this will give him that boost..
its better off not knowing anything at all..........
my ex could be dead, and i only want to read it in the paper, so there will come a time, where you could care less....
BUT DO NOT CALL HIM youll regret it....
Re: Just wondering.... Falcon554: For me I know my x and I will end up friends, I cant not care. And i know she cares about me but the marriage is over. We wont be buddy buddy but we have a 8 year old daughter and we have to deal with her. I also know she values my thoughts on alot of stuff and I do with her to.
Spent 21 years of my life with her, no way im going to spend the next 21 without her, it will be a different relationship for sure but I cant imagine us not talking.
