1st Thanksgiving away from the kids 1hrtbroken+2: Forgive me this might be a little long winded and scatter brained:
My husband and I are suppose to meet for me to give him the children for the Thanksgiving holiday. My daughter (8) and my son (4) are so happy to be seeing their Daddy after a month and a half; but I am scared out of my mind that I'll never see them again....even though I know he will not try anything ('cause he knows he'll go to jail). This is the first time ever that I've been away from my children for any holiday.
We are to leave the Monday before TG after my daughter gets out of school. I sent him an email this past Tuesday and I spoke with him on Monday night. He hasn't replied to my email or called the children or myself since last Monday. On Monday I told him that my father's truck wasn't running, so he would have to drive all the way down from NC to get the kids instead of meeting halfway. Well that was a little white lie, I felt that if he truely wanted to see his children then he would have to put forth the effort to see them. By Tuesday I changed my mind and told him the Daddy had gotten his truck running and that I could met him halfway. I also asked what the weather was like so I knew how to pack the childrens bags and that depending on when we left, we may need to get a hotel room to sleep over before returning. No reply yet!
I'm feeling two very different ways about the possiblity of staying the night in a hotel room. Half of me is wanting for him to NOT even get any ideas in his head about the possible encounter; but the other side of me is wanting so much for him to see me and his mouth drop open and start drooling! I've lost about 25 pounds since most of this started (not that I'm fat, just a little over weight). My husband is 6'1" and weights about 180lbs (very thin except for the beer gut he's gotten, I'm 5'8" and I don't want to say the actual weight (normal woman thang!), but was very toned and in shape when we met, but I've had two children. The first I gained 80 pounds, lost all but about 25 lbs after having her; then four and a half years later baby #2 I only gained 27 pounds. But I was not really able to eat the things that I craved so I never got satisfied until after he was born. But I had stopped smoking too and stayed stopped 4 years after he was born. So after I had him I was still craving all those foods, so I started to fulfill those cravings. So I didn't loose the baby weight and gained a few too many for myself. But I finally stopped having the cravings and started to lose some weight. But he never noticed, but I could tell because all my clothes were getting really loose on me and now they are really baggy. Some of the clothes that were in boxes from the attic, I've pulled out and am able to wear them (which really feels great!). He said one of the reasons he wasn't happy with me was that I was too overweight for him anymore. He always said that he cannot deny that I'm an extremly attractive woman. I'm a good mother, great lover and was a good wife. He said that I don't need to be ashamed of anything that I've done, I did everything right and always made the right choices, he'll always love me, but he's just not in love with me anymore.
I don't understand it!!! How can a man give up an adoring wife and two wonderful children because he "needs to go find himself". "He needs to get on top again". My mother tells me that you can love a man that much, but let them know they have you wrapped. My husband knows he had me wrapped and can press all my buttons. I would have did anything in the world to get him back. I am one of those people that bend themselves into pretzels to make sure that everyone else around them is happy. Because I feel that if they are happy then I'm happy.
I'm really wanting him to try to take advantage of me, if we get the hotel room, but I don't want him to touch me either!
This to be continued under Thanksgiving2...
Re: 1st Thanksgiving away from the kids EssieDotCom: it's funny how my husband has spent many holidays, birthdays etc away from the kids and it doesn't even phase him. Okay he couldnt help it due to his work (military) but it doesnt seem like it matters to him. Where as I've never spent a birthday, or holiday away from them. He's gona miss thanksgiving with them this yr, but I dont think that matters. He's wanting to come down ehre and see them for Christmas... okay. (shrugs shoulders)... I hate spending holidays away from my children too. God bless and super big hugs*
Re: 1st Thanksgiving away from the kids 1hrtbroken+2: It does bother him to miss holidays with the kids, but not the way it bother's me. He's actually almost missed our sons birthdays from sleeping (working night shifts) and then would get pissed at me for waking him up; he'd later apologize (but hurt was already there) and say thank you for making sure he didn't miss anything. But he really has missed so much in their lives. He always said that he was providing for his family working so much. I told him time and time again, that providing for your family includes spending time with them; it doesn't always mean bringing home a paycheck. But he never saw it that way.
I don't really want any contact with him and I am bound and determined not to call him; but I really want him to call me, just so I'll know he is thinking of us. He said it's really hard on him too, but he's become so distanct and cold.
Re: 1st Thanksgiving away from the kids EssieDotCom: I find that if i"m in contact with him i get more upset and dwell on things. So I try not to call, email or talk to him unless he is the one who does so. Best of luck to you sweetie. God bless
Re: 1st Thanksgiving away from the kids hardened_heart1970: sorry to say this, and i appologize ahead of time,
BUT, DO YOU WANT TO BE A BOOTY CALL? come on. i know, that you are heartbroken, and you want to feel your husband. BUT sex, making lust is NOT bringing him back. all it is doing, is dragging you down, a no-respect, i hate myself highway, that you cannot come back from.....
you WANT to show him what HE CAN NO LONGER HAVE. if he flirts, or does anything, STOP him, and say " YOU WANTED IT LIKE THIS, you cant have your cake and eat it tooo"
and dont listen to the ive changed words. thats a ploy to unbutton the pants. read posts on here. you WILL REGRET IT if you do it......
sorry, but you dont want to lose the last source of dignity you have do you?
lose weight for yourself. be happy with you. that will kill him. BUT DO NOT let him have what he could of had, when he was with you. it wont do.. want it all, or nothing......
let us know..
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