Thanksgiving2 1hrtbroken+2: I'm wanting to start going out and meeting new people, but not get into a relationship, just friends only please! But I'm more worried about trying to have a relationship out there now! I'm mean all the dating drugs, diseases, perverts. I still love my husband, even though I don't trust him and even if he wanted to get back together, I couldn't do it. Because I'd always have in the back of my mind, does he truely love me or is he just pretending again (he told me that he had been pretending that he loved me for the last two years) and if he has had sex with another woman/women, I just don't think I could ever trust him or be with him like before. When we would be together intimately, we would be in our own little bubble (say and do anything).
Does anyone else feel this way???? Why can't a woman love a man that much and he really, really acknowledge it, respect and and CHARISH IT! Why would he just throw it away like a piece of trash. That's how I feel, like a piece of trash, thrown away and forgotten.
His family said that he was wrong, but he as blood and they would not get involved, but they would support his decision. How can they do that, after everything the know about me and how good I was to him and them. They are treating me like the black plaque. But his family is weird anyway. His oldest brother Wes is on his fourth marriage (his 3rd was to my cousin - that's how me and mine met); his next older brother Joey is on his second marriage (he left his wife after having two children; then while they where separated were intimate and she became pregnant with their 3rd child). He is still seeing the other woman 4 years later (along with about three other women that she doesn't know about); his sister Wendy (next oldest) is on her 2nd marriage, but seems to be happy (but a drunk too); then there is my husband and his faternal twin brother Tony. Tony is married and has one child and he is a really good husband and father. He's the one that told me to nail my husband's nutts to the wall for this dumb a** s**t he's doing to me and the kids. Their mother an father were married for 36 years before his death 6 years ago.
I told my husband that he hasn't been the same since his father died. My husband also killed a person in the line of duty (he was driving and this man [drunk"> stepped infront of the vehicle). Then about 8 months later, his partner and best friend was killed. His partner and his wife were leaving the hospital from seeing their newly premature baby, when this crazy man came to the hospital and shot Don a point blank range. Don died Christmas day.
We went through hell. He said he'd been to the edge and back, but I wouldn't ever understand. But I was there with him and for him and he acknowledge that, I was the only one there for him and helped him and he'll never forget that. But he has and he's thrown me away.
Are any of you police officer's/sherrif deputies? Any suggestions!???
Re: Thanksgiving2 hardened_heart1970: wow........
i am sorry, to hear this..... i dont usually have much explanation for an ex. i do say that YOU are A very strong woman, and you should not be going through this. you are great for sticking it out with your husband...
now... i am wordless. i will think.....
we are here for you.....
and im not a cop. ive got the costume, and cuffs. ive been stopped by many though.......
Re: Thanksgiving2 1hrtbroken+2: Thanks Goose for finishing the second part of my post. My husband and I went through all that stuff with the drunk and his partner in 2001. He really hasn't been the same man since, but I knew that had changed him and therefore I evolved with him or so I thought. About two years ago maybe a little less than that, he started getting dizzy and light headed and then started with the panic attacks and anxiety and the ringing in his ear that never went away. I went with him on every doctors visit, to every specialist. They did the cardiogram the cardiolight exam, allergy tests, the stress tests. They put him on paxel, then martzapan (however you spell it), then back to paxel. He's on another medication (can't remember now). But nothing was working to get him well. I told him that he needed to talk to his doctor again, because I knew he wasn't telling his doctor all his symptoms and everything he was feeling. This time I called the doctor (I know him very well) and told him what was happening to us. I made another appointment for him to see the Dr. I did not go to this visit. My husband told me he didn't tell the Dr. everything and they changed the dosage on the paxel. I thought maybe the medication was screwing with his mind or something.
But you are right, it would just be a booty call; but I'm not so sure for whom, him or me? I know that sounds terrible, but hey, I'm a young vibrant woman too who has needs too. But I also know that I don't want to contract anything either and I know I can no longer trust him to be honest with me no matter how much he says he is. He just will not be straight or honest with me. I'm the enemy now!
I guess that I still believe that the vowes we take a very sacride. It's funny, he told me that I never gave him a reason to be jealous. I told him "why would I do that!" "Did he really want that seed of doubt put in his mind?" He said maybe then he would have known what he had. I told him he should have already known what he had!
There have been a few instances where the seed of doubt was planted in my mind, but I always believed him and trusted him. Hell, he was home everynight when his shift ended. But that really doesn't prove anything either. His shift could have ended on time and he went and did his thing and tell me he just got off. I wouldn't have known the difference. We had an instance where this woman Robin (who had dated his brother Joey) was beeing stalked and she didn't feel safe at her house with her 15 yrs old son there too. She called Joey who was out of town and told her to call my hubby (Matt); Matt asked me if it would be okay for them to stay the night. I knew her and had no problem with it. He told them to come on over. Well I wake up at 3 in the morning, he's not in bed; I go to the livingroom and her son is playing the PS2, they are out on the front porch. I stick my head out the door and she is sitting on his lap on the swing. I stopped breathing and every nerve in me began to shake. I asked him to come inside, he followed; he had a woody. I asked what was going on, he said nothing just talking. He was drunk by the way, but he came straight to bed, but not before informing Robin that I was plenty pissed. Many of my friends said that I should have kick all of them out that night. But I wanted to remain calm and not overreact. But never seen nor heard from her again.
To long did I have the rose colored glasses on! He said to me just before me and the kids moved that he feels sorry for the next man that crosses my path, because they'll end up paying for his mistakes. I told him so do I, but there would probably never be another.
I've said that if I where to get involved they'd have to go through the whole nine yards of tests before any touchy feely stuff.
Goose, you sound pretty cool headed. How long have you been separated/divorced? I'm new to the website, don't really know anyone here yet.
Re: Thanksgiving2 hardened_heart1970: thanks.
my ex left me last september after me finding out about her affair with my ex best friend in tow. she stole, lied, cheated, was bi(found out funny way) and much more. the only thing that has not happened, is i havent been shot or stabbed. we got divorced in june....
i am some what level headed, because ive been here a year and saw alot of things happen, and one of them is husbands using their ex for sex, and my personal opinion is, that the women, should respect herself enough, and treat a chance to get back with the ex, just like a new date....
most instances, the ex called it off, so if they did, they should have no regrets about not being able to get it anytime. remember, its the path to divorce. and after they left, we are now considered the OM, or OW. ITS not fair what they have done to us, cause i really considered my wedding vows seriously, but she never, and that by the way has changed my outlook for the rest of my life... its going to be hard to put all the pain and hurt behind us, to have a normal relationship......
and i dont want to be an azz, but 93% of the time that a man or women just gets up and leaves, its because they have already found someone new. if he is happy, and gets sex, theres no major reason to leave. i dont think he would just leave without having a backup plan. and its not fair that we/ you stood beside partners through good and bad times, then they leave. but you know this. i would rather have no one by myside if im in massive trouble, then someone who is faking loving me.......
long, so im sorry.... dan
Re: Thanksgiving2 1hrtbroken+2: Sorry about your situation! Did you ever feel that you could take her back and love her again?
The other stuff is so true! He called today to discuss when and where to pick the kids up. He also told me that he's been on a date. I'm okay, but was a really big basketball to swallow! The OW actually called on the other line as we were talking. He said he's probably going to ask her out again.
I'm trying so hard to move forward and to not let these things affect me, but who am I trying to kid, it hurts like hell!!!!
My father is going to drive me and the kids to meet him, so that will make sure there is no chance for a booty call. And I certainly don't want one, especially now!
Part of me is really glad that I packed and moved with the kids to FL; but the other part of me really wanted to stay in NC to be able to see first hand what is really going on up there. Then maybe I can REAL closure, no matter how bad it hurt(s). I'm just the type of person that wants the entire truth no matter how bad it hurts. I cannot stand to be lied to and I have to know every sorted detail too.
I guess there is still some part of me that wishes like hell he would feel half of what I'm feeling, so he would "see the light", but he's moved on and found someone new or two. My family said that he may not have cheated while we were together, but he certainly had someone picked out of the heard. And he did. So now I feel like Alice, falling down the rabbit hole to a crazy, backwards world and I don't know which way is up or how to get back. I know it will just take time, but I don't even know how to start to heal this broken heart or my childrens.
I'm scared to start dating again, but maybe I need to go on a few practice dates to kind of get back into the swing of things, but I don't know about that either.
Thanks for the support and advise.....Jenn
