Re: Can anyone be Friends to your X tara: What you said.
I'll add: This works better when it's a breakup for compatibility/life goals reasons (even if one person was the leaver and one was the left), and not a betrayal. With the latter, there's usually a power imbalance -- the betrayer (cheater, whatever) might stay friends out of guilt, and the betrayed might want to hold on to whatever shreds of hope s/he can.
[quote author=tweety link=topic=21591.msg201922#msg201922 date=1131928847">
my advice when trying to be friends is simple, know that it's over...remove your hope for reconciliation...and discuss what topics are off-limits. i'm not sure if this will work, but i'm trying the friend route because i can't imagine him not in my life.
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Re: Can anyone be Friends to your X RSGinATX: [quote author=tweety link=topic=21591.msg201922#msg201922 date=1131928847">
my stbx and i are trying to be friends. we don't want to talk everyday because we know that we'll fall into a routine and i'm worried we'll get false hope. it's nice to talk to someone who knows almost everything about you. just last night he read into one of my comments and had me shaking my head in amusement because no one else in my life would have read that much into it. my advice when trying to be friends is simple, know that it's over...remove your hope for reconciliation...and discuss what topics are off-limits. i'm not sure if this will work, but i'm trying the friend route because i can't imagine him not in my life.
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Exactly!
I'm trying the friends route as well. We went through so much together. All of my nieces and nephews(except two out of 10) were born and grew up after we got married..these people are family and don't see me as just an in-law. We went through so much together...births, deaths, marriages, good times and bad. To close the door on the stbx would be closing myself off from all of that and all those people. I can't let myself bring up memories of my life and just wind up angry at her because of something else.
Fortunately for me, the ugliness and betrayal came after we had already discussed separation...I don't know whether I could have forgiven if I had been blindsided by it. We had our problems before and that's what ultimately led to the end. The rest of what happened just ensured that it really was the end. Mixed blessing, I suppose, as I found myself repulsed by her as a lover so that's one less feeling I have to deal with in being friends. When I realized I could never love her as a wife it opened the door for me to love her as a friend/family.
Re: Can anyone be Friends to your X KdUb: Not me, not now. Not until she is healed, focuses on the issues, or at least is willing to work at it. Not until she stops the lying and being a DAMN coward and faces reality!
Someday - maybe, hopefully, she used to be a good friend but right now, with friends like her, who in the hell needs enemies?
Re: Can anyone be Friends to your X Trying2Hope: [quote author=KdUb link=topic=21591.msg202129#msg202129 date=1131987981">
with friends like her, who in the hell needs enemies?
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Here, here!
I chose to say goodbye, and I meant it.
Re: Can anyone be Friends to your X tnk: Trying to do that now, but very unsuccessfull. Maybe it won't ever happen for me and my ex-boyfriend, but who knows. On a brighter note, my ex hubby and I are working on our friendship. Trying to get along better for the kids and actually being civil all the time to one another. Wonders never cease.
Anyways, good luck to you and do what you feel is right and will be the least painfull and harmfull.
