Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: Sorry, about the rambling... I started on one topic and went all over the place with this. Today is one of my cry my eyes out days. I am thousands of miles away from my family, and it's a holiday. A big holiday in my family, and my husband is being a butt.
Most days I deal with this whole "I want a divorce" thing pretty well.. okay, I just ignore my husband most of the time, and try to be a normal mom for my boys. I get along with my mother-in-law very well, she lives with us. Mostly, now-a-days we complain about him together, not complain exactly, but worry because he is acting so terribly. One of his cousins (very close like a sister) has been seriously ill and he doesn't even care. He won't even call to talk to her.
Then, I have days like today when I think that I would be happier without him, that I don't really like dealing with him most of the time. He is too serious, which when we got married I thought was a good thing, but it drags me down. If I agree to the divorce then we can be finished in months. If I don't agree, it could take years. I don't know what I want to do. I don't want a divorce.... but I can't figure out why.
Then, I feel like I love him, but I wonder if I love HIM, or I love the marriage I wish we had. Does that make sense? Maybe I just don't want to lose the marriage and maybe my desire to keep the marriage together is only because I don't want to fail at another thing in my life.
Why can't I find one train of thought and stick with it. Why am I always so confused. And why oh why can I not make up my mind about this?
I wish there was some book that said... here is the right reason(s), and here is the wrong reason(s). Someone should make a manual!
Blue
Re: Why am I always confused??? EssieDotCom: i am right there with you. I'm seperated from my husband right now, but very confused. When i talk to him on the phone i feel i love him and when he ends a conversation he says he loves me like we always have. but, he has also said, a month ago b4 the kids and i moved that he didnt knowwhat he wanted out of this marriage. So with the i loves you and the i miss yous, i feel so confused too........ :-\
Re: Why am I always confused??? hurtnlost: [quote author=TrueBlue link=topic=22005.msg204991#msg204991 date=1132844009">
Then, I feel like I love him, but I wonder if I love HIM, or I love the marriage I wish we had. Does that make sense? Maybe I just don't want to lose the marriage and maybe my desire to keep the marriage together is only because I don't want to fail at another thing in my life.
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TrueBlue - I understand this completely. Sometimes I feel like I loved the security in my marriage and that someone was there to love me and naturally you feel love for him b/c you have children together and you probably will always feel something for him. My husband asked for the divorce and in some ways I am ready to move on with it but then there is the other part of me that says is this the reason I am so upset and worried is because of the life I was used to and the routine? I am not sure what will help us find the answers other than time. I know that even if he wanted me back I would not go b/c of all the hurt he has put me through. I have 2 boys also and I need to be strong for them. If you ever wanna chat more feel free to contact me.
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Re: Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: I am so relieved that I am not the only one feeling like this. I am seeing a therapist, and this helps a little. It's nice to just vent sometimes.
I don't understand how they (the spouse) can leave and still say that they don't know what they want. That just adds to the confusion.
I have to admit that I have also enjoyed the security of marriage. And, I am not looking forward to it being over. However, the last couple of day I have really been asking myself - Don't I deserve something better. Don't I want something better? Sure I do, but I wish it could have been with my husband. My sons are starting to pick things up now too, so I'm getting concerned about that. (My boys are 14 and 4).
The four year old is convinced that dad doesn't like him and he will cry about it. How do I try to help him without making things worse? AAAAHHHHH it's always something new to worry about.
Confused is bad. ???
Re: Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: Although I could drag things out forever here by refusing to divorce my husband, I am not. I have agreed to the divorce.
My parents went through an ugly divorce, and I can't do that to the boys. Essentially, if I refuse to divorce my husband then he will leave. If he leaves, then his mom (who lives with us) will be here and it will cause all kinds of problems for her. Her biggest fear is that he will leave.
I am not happy with this decision, and this is not what I want. I don't believe this is the best thing for my boys.
I wish I knew what was right.
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