Re: Why am I always confused??? dgiirl: There's a difference between an emotional divorce and a legal divorce. You cant stop a legal divorce. Why bother trying? You will only cause more tension in your relationship which will surely lead to an emotional divorce. If your husband wants a legal divorce, then agree to it and give it to him. That does not mean you shouldnt protect your interests, but there's no point in fighting it. If he doesnt want to stay, he's going to leave, regardless of what you do. Remember, it's just a piece of paper. If you two are really meant to be, you can always get remarried in the future.
Re: Why am I always confused??? TrueBlue: Actually, here (I live in India), I can stop a legal divorce. That is what has made this decision so difficult. I could drag the divorce on for years. The lawyer said between three and seven years if I contest it. But what would that do to the boys. Nothing good, so that isn't the best route.
Once divorced, and once we leave, I will most likely never see my husband again. Perhaps it is better that way, but I don't want it that way. I guess it will be a clean break, but it is so hard to think of it that way when I don't want any kind of break at all!
There is so much to think about. I have to move all of my stuff, and the boys' stuff back to the US, move my stuff from CA to where ever I can get a job... not to mention get a car, somewhere to live etc. This is so complicated.
I spoke to my dad last night. He is being very supportive, in that this is the right decision. It is better to do this as friends instead of as enemies. But, I honestly don't know how this visitation will look, and it will break my sons' hearts to be away from their grandmother.... what a mess.
Re: Why am I always confused??? dgiirl: Well, do you want to stop the divorce for legal reasons (ie keeping support) or in hopes of keeping him in your life, keeping his love? Granted, I dont know the law in India, but I cant imagine if your husband wants to leave you'll be able to do anything about it. Unless you physically tie him to a chair or something, he's going to go if he wants too.
Remember, the divorce papers are just that, papers. They are meaningless when it comes to the heart. Even if you sign your name on a piece of paper, it cant force you to love or not love someone. Your heart chooses that.
Re: Why am I always confused??? slowlearner: [quote author=TrueBlue link=topic=22005.msg205411#msg205411 date=1132968702">
I don't understand how they (the spouse) can leave and still say that they don't know what they want. That just adds to the confusion.
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He DOES know what he wants - but he doesn't want to tell you about it . Maybe because he doesn't think you can handle the truth, or maybe he simply doesn't have the courage to speak up. Either way, it will be sometime before you get the truth from him (if ever). Try not to focus on what he wants - it's what YOU want/need that matters most right now.
SL
