talking to others - any regrets? lexi1012: When my husband first told me he wanted to move out, I dealt with my pain by talking to my sister and my friends. They did try to see both sides of things (though that is difficult when they only talk to me!), but ultimately they felt that I had been treated badly.
I am thinking now that I allowed others to influence me way too much. My sister was very quick to judge and basically said be glad you are rid of him. My husband tried to work things out back in September, but I was stubborn and refused to listen. I never wanted our relationship to end, but I forced myself to accept it.
So it's nice to have others to lean on during tough times, but maybe sometimes it's better for us to figure things out on our own. Now that I feel stronger, I think it's time to really figure out what I want without anybody else telling me what they think.
Re: talking to others - any regrets? minneapolis: hi Lexi
I too regret taking a lot of the advice that was offered to me. One of my friends is very dramatic and in retrospect, it seems like every piece of advice she gave me was geared to make the biggest scene possible. I took some of her advice and I regret it.
It's hard though, you need to talk to people. And there were times when I really couldn't make a decision for myself so I needed other people's advice. But you do have to be careful which advice you take and which you let go by.
Re: talking to others - any regrets? manda: I'm so glad you guys are posting about this...because I think about it all the time, lately. This is exactly why no one in my life knows that my husband has moved out. I don't want to deal with the inluences right now. (Having gone through this a while back--yes, he has a pattern of this) I KNOW that people will talk and talk and talk about this with me and it does skew the way things go. I want to see if this is a dead horse or not on my (our) own.
Re: talking to others - any regrets? lexi1012: Well, if you can manage to deal with it without talking to others, it's probably for the best. Yes, it's nice to have the support, but maybe it's better to get it without talking about all the issues. I have recently been telling my friends to just talk about anything else - that I need the distraction.
My sister is still pushing at me to make some kind of a decision. She just said the other day "do you want the marriage or not?" She doesn't understand my emotional ups and downs and uncertainty. I am currently making efforts to get along with my husband. He decided to move out 3 months ago, but was never sure of his decision. So now I am letting go of my anger and trying to get along. However, I won't be telling anyone about anything. I don't need anyone telling me that I he can't be trusted and I should just move on.
Re: talking to others - any regrets? dgiirl: Hey Lexi!! :)
Glad to see you are still around :) Family is great for one thing, to help YOU. They're very supportive and tend to take our sides and care deeply for our well being. And they dont like to see us being taken advantage of. However, yes, they do make things more complicated IF there's a chance to reconcile. They are not very objective because they love US and not our spouses. And it's very likely they will resent the spouse if you two reconcile. This is why counselling is so good. The therapist is paid to be objective and can usually give us good advice. Some things we want to hear, some things we dont want to hear.
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