Re: talking to others - any regrets? techick: [quote author=lexi1012 link=topic=22012.msg205546#msg205546 date=1133026634">
The great thing about this forum is that we can get advice from people who aren't emotionally involved in any way. Also, we get lots of different perspectives. I regret not keeping my mouth shut, that's for sure. We can't change the past, but we sure can learn from it.
I did make sure to say very little to my husband's side of the family, though. He didn't want them to know anything, but that was impossible. All I told them is that he moved out and it was his decision. I also told our mutual friends, but kept the details to an absolute minimum.
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Ditto here. It is apparent that we are not living together anymore, but that's all that is known, outside of me and a few friends on the net that I can just vent to:)
Re: talking to others - any regrets? manda: [quote author=techick link=topic=22012.msg205544#msg205544 date=1133025751">
Good luck and I found the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken to be very helpful, espically with not talkng to friends:)
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i didn't know it talked about that. i have to get that book!
Re: talking to others - any regrets? techick: Well it doesn't really address taht issue, but it WILL tell you some things that WILL hit home for you and as it's a book, they aren't out to press their own agendas on you, unilke friends and family no matter how well meaning.
So it will tell you things straight (that's why I actually like this self-help book) and then you can think on it for YOU wihtout wondering WHY they said it to you:)
Just an idea, but I found it to be wonderfully helpful to me:)
Re: talking to others - any regrets? techick: Yes, I did notice that, but it DOES address that at one point, I think it's in the part where you don't talk for 60 days, at the end.
But I think that a lot of the things in there are still relevant, for me at least, it helped me to SEE what he was doing and to not be able to expalin it away so fast, thoguh I DO know him better them some authors, lol! BUt it did point out some things that still helped me to think through things in a different way or a way that I was afraid to face myself.
Anyway, there's always the library!:)
And Barnes and Noble takes books back if you bring it back in a few days, so that's something to look into:)
Re: talking to others - any regrets? Beren: [quote author=lexi1012 link=topic=22012.msg205308#msg205308 date=1132953117"> My sister is still pushing at me to make some kind of a decision. She just said the other day "do you want the marriage or not?" She doesn't understand my emotional ups and downs and uncertainty.[/quote">
My ex complained to me in one of those rare "sharing" moments that some of her friends were pressuring her into making a decision too quickly. I told her that if she doesn't know, then she doesn't know, but there's only so long I can wait for her to decide. She asked me how long I was willing to wait. I told her that it's incredibly painful for me to know that wanting to save the marriage isn't the obvious best choice for her, and when the pain gets to be too much, I will leave.
To make a long story short, she could not decide, so eventually, I decided for her. Whether she's happier now being divorced, I have no way of knowing. I suspect she's doing okay. What I can say for sure is that I don't want anyone who doesn't want me, and after seven and a half years of marriage, I deserved better than to have my wife tell me that she doesn't love me any more and isn't sure she wants to stay married to me.
I don't know your story, so I don't know how similar it is to mine. I don't know who did what to whom and in what order and in what manner. It's probably a totally different situation. Your words just struck a sore spot with me. If you don't know what you want, then you don't know, but eventually the decision will be taken out of your hands.
"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." -- Yogi Berra
Beren
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