arranged marriage person: hi, im new here.
im from a culture which has arranged marriages. its not forced marriages, its more to the point where the parents find the best match, ie similar education, family's, looks, income etc....
i guess the main purpose is to put someone whos lived a similar lifestyle, and therefoe you will be compatible. mind you, its been happening for a long timethough it might be something alien to western cultures.
i just want peoples opinions on it. i personally was born in a very traditional family but born and raised in the west. I had a girlfriend for 2 years to which made my life hell. she was 'westernized' as we say and she ended up running off with another man to which i was very hurt.
right now i have realized that alot of marriages are based on affection rather then function. i personally believe there should be affection, yes, but also there should be some functionality as well. its been that way in many societies for so long and divorce rates were very low, im not too quite sure why its changed.
I have asked my parents to find me a marriage partner. theve found one and they he is plain, but very beautiful. she comes from a large extended family and has never had a boyfriend before. they have looked alot into her and her family, and they have decided that she would best suit me. where we're from, girls are 'trained' to cook, sew etc because they realize there can be problems if she doesnt do her 'duties' as a wife. she has also compelted her b.comm and is finishing off her masters.
mind you, im in no way some person who is controlling or insecure in my manhood where i have to show my dominance. i was born here, but im very old fashinoed and i want to love my wife and treat her with respect.
i obviously get a chance to talk to her and meet with her, but i am obviously nervous too. the thing is, i want an arranged marriage because in my own opinion it eliminates alot of the 'maintenance' involved and theres compromise, but it also allows for some sturdy 'groundwork'.
its probably not something that anyone is too familiar with, but id like to hear some comments...maybe someone can give me some of disadvantages (apart from the obvious) i may not know of?
Re: arranged marriage frontier74: I'd say that "Feminized" is probably an even better term than "Americanized." I think women of our generation have it pretty rough when it comes to determining their role in a family. Feminist ideals tell them that cooking, cleaning, etc. are not a woman's duty, yet the example of their mothers, and pressure from their peers, says otherwise.
These days, women have careers and families. They often need help from their men, in order to get it all done, but aren't able to appreciate the help, because deep down, they feel they should be doing it themselves. So instead of actually giving the duties over to their husbands, they act as supervisors, and criticize the help they get, until the men are no longer willing to lift a finger. This leads to frustration and resentment for both partners, and probably does a bit to contribute to the divorce rate.
If you find a woman who is brought up, knowing the reality of the situation, rather than the feminist fantasy, you'll probably end up with far less strife over household matters. Still, she probably won't appreciate any help you try to give with things she sees as her "duty," but at least she won't bitch at you for not doing them.
What, me jaded? Don't be silly. ;D
