Not sure what I should do. Winston1: I have been looking back through old post looking for answers that might work for me, or help me. Chase, No Escape, and Thinkin have been through the similar things that I am going through.
I guess I will go over some of the story. My wife is Mrs.(what ever state). She goes around the state on apperances. During one of these apperances that I was unable to go with on which I have made alot of them. She called and told me that she and her mom got back stage passes to this 80's band and the drummer was really a nice person. I am not usually a jealous person but I felt it here.
The next day she called me and told me that they were a her aunts house and the drummer was there, just hanging out watching movies. But she just wanted me to know that there was nothing going on. Now I was really not happy but I trusted my wife and tried to forget about it.
She came back home and she was very distant, but she was getting ready for the Mrs. America pagent that was a week away and she had so much to get done before then. So I just told myself that that is what it was. When we made love I could tell that something was a little off, but just maked it up to stress.
Then I took her to the airport to go to the Mrs.America pagent I will not see her for 2 weeks. So for this time I worked and kept the house up. I talked to her for the most part every night but there were a few nights that she did not call me which bothered me. But I thought she was busy. So the time came to fly in to see her and she did not even seem happy to see me infact she just gave me a kiss on the check, which is not normal. but I still told myself she is stressed.
She did make it pretty far in the competion, infact our state has never had someone make it so far. We came back home and she still was not right. She left shortly after to leave for some apperances.
Anyway I better get to the point. She snuck any to Florida to see him. A few times once for 3 days and met his parents which she told me that she liked. Drove somewhere to meet him for a couple hours. And then flew out to Florida over Haloween for 9 days. She fessed up after the 3 day visit that she had feeling for someone else. She has told me that she loves me but is not in love with me. Now she tells me that she loves both of us. She is back here living at her moms house. She comes and sees me every once and awhile and calls me every so often. But I feel that she puts more into him. She was going to fly out to Florida to be with him over Thanksgiving but she canceled. She has wrote him one love letter that I know of. I do not have access to her e-mail any more.
We have been seperated for 2 1/2 months now and she tells me she doesn't know who she is or what she is doing, or what she wants. she tells me that she is very sorry and that she does not deserve me.
We have been married for 8 years she was 16 and I was 17 when we got married. I love her very much. I want our marriage to make it through this terrible misshap, but I am the only one that is really trying.
I am very scared that she is just keeping me around because she will lose her title and Mrs. America pagent will sue her, because she made it so far. Plus to string me along, for security, plus she does not work and I pay for her car because my name is on it. But what is she doing here if she loves him so much. Maybe she is affriad that I will divorce her because I am having divorce papers drawn up and she knows this.
But the thing is I just want her back I am still in love with her and want to start rebuilding all of this. But she tells me that she can not be with me because she is affriad that she will always think of him, or cheat again. She also says that she has not had sex with him either.
I am getting so tired of waiting I am not sure how much longer I can do all of this. I am getting so depressed, sad, mad and everything else that comes with this. I am setting a goal of the first of the year and doing the divorce. but I am hoping that I can make my goal. I do not think that she is going to make a decision unless she has to and the divorce will do this. I am just so scared of losing her, I love her so much. But I can not allow her to keep doing this to me it is not right.
I have been leaving her alone. I do not call her I wait for her to call me. If she wants to spend time with me I will. I have not been fighting with her here lately we have been talking good.
I know that this might be hard to follow but I wanted to give as much info as I can. Anyone have any ideas, am I doing the right thing
I guess my real question is, does anyone know how I can get her back. What do I do.
Re: Not sure what I should do. freovir: ok,
maybe i should not respond to this in this state of mind so if you are looking for advice on how to keep your wife, stop reading now.
dude, what the hell do you want to keep her for? She obviously doesn't want you, or your marriage. oh, yea, she still keeps you for plan b in case mr. drummer man doesn't work out. and then if it doesn't, do you think you are going to be able to sweep all this lying and cheating and dishonesty under the rug? this is what my father calls wanting your cake and eating it too. she has shit all over your marriage bed. . . the woman who left is never coming back. oh shje may return but nothing will be the same.
I hate to tell you this, but your marriage is over. done. kaput. now, there may be a chance that you will be together again some day, but the marriage you thought you had is dead. EVERYTHING has changed.
I mean it, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-i-N-G!! Do you want to go through the rest of your life suspicious of your wife? Do you want to wonder when she is out of town if she is fucking someone else? Believe me (i know that feeling) it is not a fun life to live. it'll drive the strongest to fall to his knees in insanity.
i'm sorry you have to go through this. it sucks. it sucks bad, but at least you have found us. . . . some of us are nicer than others, by the way. post, read posts. . . you are not alone.
feel free to pm me, or anyone else for that matter, if you want to talk.
again, i apologize for being so cynical, but that tends to be thee way i see this shit working out. it does get better though. . . .or so i hear. that was a joke. . it really does get better.
--fre
Re: Not sure what I should do. dontgetit: If you have been reading over the site you may have come across my posts - my wife met a man and moved out of my house and in to his all in a matter of 3 weeks (a child involved who will not go to the new house also)...
So I can understand your feelings - the thing is you cannot control what your wife does - I would give her the space and let her make up her mind what it is she wants out of life - I suspect she is a very confused woman right now and you putting demands on her will not help the situation...
Just show her you love her and if you want this marriage to survive I would suggest that you both pray (if she wont then you should)...I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and it has helped me....
It may be that you loose her - this is not what you want to hear, but like I said you can only control you (not her)...
Is there something amiss in your relationship with her - I have to tell you I have looked back over my marriage and I made every mistake in the book - it might be that you and her have been drifting apart and you were not listening - there are home wrechers out there and if your situation is anything like mine the man saw an opportunity and took it....
Even if she goes with this other man the reality is it probably will not last - it is not based on anything good...
Would you take her back if this happens....
Re: Not sure what I should do. ajw: Your the fallback guy ok.....she has you already...so she dangles this prize in front of your face that maybe you will get reconcile...but the whole time she is doing her best to further her relationship with this OM.
You know what she may decide your a better bet than this new guy for now and come back to you....but she will pull the same crap again in 6 months,6 years or whenever.
Now i know you love her,but your best bet is to limit your contact with this woman,let her go do what she has to do...let her see what her life is without you in it to support her....maybe she will come to her senses.but i doubt it.......you should speak to Kdub and Rjack they have both had similar situations
Andy
Re: Not sure what I should do. Gabo: Ok. My XGF and me were supposed to get married next year. We´ve been together for 6 years and living together one and a half of those six. Almost 2 months ago she left me for OM (other man)
First of all I was shocked, I really couldn´t believed it. Specially because the plans for marrying me were hers.
I tried to be friends for a while. But then I realized... Man, she lied to you, cheat you and left. She doesn´t deserve your friendship. Friendship requieres respect and trust and well... she lost that when she lied and cheated.
The funny thing is that I still want her back so...
First of all. If your marriage before the breakup had problems makes a big difference. If it was perfect the one who left will miss it at some point (lets be realistic a great partner is hard to find) but if there were problems in the marriage the one who left probably wouldn´t want to come back.
Usually this affairs don't work. Yes is good for a while but then honeymoon period is over, reality hits and BANG! (this can take some time ok, so don't wait for it, is not fair for you, get going with your life) and besides... a drummer. Man I am a Bass player, I know about drummers and they are just not cool with relationships don't ask me why (this is just a comment ok?)
If you want your wife back you could read the book by Homer McDonald at www.stopyourdivorce.com there are useful tips in there.
The most important of all is to be patient. Don't push anything (like divorce papers) and try to get going with your life without her. Don't be a backup plan.
Hope this helped.
I don
