What is right regarding holidays? hurtnlost: I have been trying to figure out what is fair and right regarding the holidays. As I am going through my divorce the one thing that was settled at the very beginning was where my children would stay with and that was me. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years and my kids are 2 and 5. But as we have been going through the process my stbxh wants them from Thanksgiving day till Sunday on even years and me on odd years and he gets them on X-mas eve day and I have them x-mas eve night and x-mas thereafter. Being with my kids at holidays is important to me b/c I have always been there and I feel just b/c he chose to leave does not mean I should suffer and not see my children on Thanksgiving. Both of our families live about 4 hours away from us so we have traveling to do to spend holidays as well. I know a lot of families the mother seems to get them on all holidays and the father visits it seems but I am just wondering what everyone's experience is with the holiday schedule?
Thanks,
adh
Re: What is right regarding holidays? changed4ever: I wish I could give you some magical solution. I was also a stay at home mom for 6 years, my kids are 3 and 6. I know how you feel. The holidays are tough, at first I fought for every holiday, but now I realize that's unfair and that the kids need their dad too. So we're splitting the holidays, I had them for Thanksgiving so he'll have them for Easter. He has them Christmas Eve and I have them Christmas Day. It's not ideal, but it's fair. No matter how I personally feel about their dad, I know that my kids love him and he needs to spend holidays with them also. It took me a year to get to this point though. It's really what's best for the kids. Good luck to you.
Re: What is right regarding holidays? Suddenly Single: I think that since parents are far away and there is going to be traveling involved for Thanksgiving then it is reasonable that you alternate years. You can still have thanksgiving with them....it just wont' be on the actual day...the day isn't important it is the quality time you will make of it...and it doesn't matter on what actual day you do that. It sucks and it isn't what you want but...under the circumstances it is what you will have to accept because he has just as much right to see them as you do.
For christmas...I think sticking to one...either eve or day is good and then just alternate who gets them eve night...like every other year. Again....this is not ideal but if he wants to be this involved with them and the kids are going to want to see him....when you don't have them christmas day morning....you can always recreate it the day after or before...make the 23rd the new Christmas Eve!
I can't know how much it sucks...as I was the "divorced" kid and I don't have children of my own...but I know what it is like to be ont he kids end.
Good luck honey.
SS
Re: What is right regarding holidays? hurtnlost: Thanks everyone for the replys, this is really hard - we are still battling the issues out and now he comes back and throws in July 4th - which I never thought would be an issue. I do understand though the kids need and love him just as much and I have been trying to do a fair split where we are both involved each year with their holidays but he is wanting to alternate and that is so hard for me since I have been there everyday and never away. I will let you know how it all works.
Re: What is right regarding holidays? Suddenly Single: My boyfriend and his ex just hashed out the holidays.
He has them on halloween and easter on ODD years. He gets them on Christmas eve night on EVEN years....they will alternate christmas eve and day (which I think is stupid because his family has always been eve and hers has always been day but she is being petty), every year he will have them memorial day and every year she will have them labor day, nye and day were never thrown in. i think I covered them? probably not! OH yeah...I think july 4th is on the odd years for him. they used to do 1/2 days for the holiday but that is too disruptive for all involved.
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