How to smile again and feel ok about smiling? hurtnlost: I was just wondering. . . I have friends that tell me I need to get out of the house and hang out and go dancing and out for a drink and part of me wants to b/c he could care less what I do. But; then there is the part of me that feels guilty for going out and having fun. Even though he left me and our divorce will finalize next month just 6 days before x-mas, how do you get to where you justify smiling again?
adh
Re: How to smile again and feel ok about smiling? PiscesGoddess: [quote author=hurtnlost link=topic=22038.msg205171#msg205171 date=1132922586">
I was just wondering. . . I have friends that tell me I need to get out of the house and hang out and go dancing and out for a drink and part of me wants to b/c he could care less what I do. But; then there is the part of me that feels guilty for going out and having fun. Even though he left me and our divorce will finalize next month just 6 days before x-mas, how do you get to where you justify smiling again?
adh
[/quote">
You can only do what you are ready for hurt- its really up to you where you are at in the whole process. I'm not sure why you should feel guilty..like you said..he left you..you dont have to justify anything to anyone honey! This whole process takes time time time! You are going to go through a hundred and one different emotions while processing through this. Please dont feel guilty if you decide one day you are ready to smile again.. YOU didnt quit this marriage HE did. Look at those babies of yours and smile everyday..thankful you have them with you :) Stay strong..we all know how hard this is.
big hugs!
Pisces Goddess
Re: How to smile again and feel ok about smiling? dgiirl: A lot of people dont _feel_ like going out and having fun. They're just in a depressed state and just dont feel like going out. The funny thing is, even if you dont initially feel like it, if you force yourself to go out of the house and see other people, your mood might change and by the end of the night you are glad that you went. This is why it's important to do things regardless if you feel like it or not because as soon as you are in a different environment, your mood can change and be uplifted.
I have a feeling your question is how do you overcome the guilt associated with being happy? When i was going through my pain, I remember smiling just for a split second, and then asking myself what was wrong with me, I'm going through a divorce and yet i'm smiling. But you know what, that smiling saved me! If I didnt smile, I would never have had hope the pain would go away, and without hope, I dont think I'd be here. You have to realize that your husband should NOT be the center of your universe. And he should not be able to dictate if you are happy or not. It's your responsibility to make yourself happy, with or without him. It's your life, and 6 months or a year from now, you dont want to be regretting the time you wasted pinning over him. And just because you are happy in OTHER areas of your life, does not mean you are not regretting or loving any less your husband. In fact, the sooner you get back to finding yourself, the better chance you have of getting your husband or any other man in your life. When you get your confidence back, the more attractive you become. So it is your job to get out when you can, embrace anything that will help you find yourself again. You will have plenty of time to think and cry and mourn the relationship when you are not with your friends. So if you can have some fun time with your friends, then do it! It's only a few hours in comparison to the rest of your week/month/year.
Re: How to smile again and feel ok about smiling? hurtnlost: [quote author=dgiirl link=topic=22038.msg205175#msg205175 date=1132925268">
I have a feeling your question is how do you overcome the guilt associated with being happy? [/quote">
I guess it sord of was that. . .I mean I see him and to me he comes off like 10 years of being together and 2 babies is no big deal to him. I try to ask him why he does not care anymore and how can it stop so quickly and he will not even dignify me with an answer. He has went out so many times I could not even count and I guess habit when I try to go out I have a hard time not worrying about my kids or what he is thinking which I know I need to get rid of. You are right though, I probably would feel better if I did go out once I got there. Maybe I would actually let go of some of my troubles and have fun for awhile.
Thanks for your insights, it really does help to see it from someone's point of view that has been there. I do not know why I am still trying to make him the center of my universe when I am not his. I really need to figure it all out. The hard thing for me right now is he is still living in our house until the divorce is finalized! He will not go anywhere cause he says he has nowhere to go and I tried to get him out of here and my lawyer and his lawyer said I could not legally do it unless he left. That in itself is so hard b/c nothing has changed routine wise for me and the kids, he still comes home from work, I still buy groceries for 4 and I still cook and clean up after him. The only thing different is he sleeps in the guest room and has since August. So hard to move on. . .
Re: How to smile again and feel ok about smiling? mrlament: hurtandlost...
i have NO good advice for you, i acctually stoped posting for a while because i found that in some ways this board was "pulling me back in" to feelings i had kinda been dealing with. so i'll keep it short only because i can identify with a lot you said. short and simple...they have as my Ex has said to me on many ocasions "Moved on" "they"- meaning those who have left for what ever the reason(s). they love you/me/us the way you loved that favorite toy you grew up with...yeah when you think about that doll or toy you have fond memories, yeah, if anyone asked you about that doll today youd say "i still love carry all carrie" but do you have the desire to take it everywhere you go today? no, do you think about it when you wake every morning? no, when you got that doll you though if any thing ever happened to it you couldnt go on. well now you/me/we are their carry all carrie, love it? yes fond memorries?, yes cant go on with out it? ......obviously NO.
when will you go out and have a good time? youll know when its ready, we for what ever reason (not trying to speak for you) mourn a little longer than they have...wear it like a badge of honor. you can not control you feelings no matter how hard you try. so respect them. their your feelings, not his or any others, yours.
sorry
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