What do I tell my childern?? nalfein1: I don't know what I should tell my girls(ages 12,9,6). They know that we are getting a divorce. She spends ALOT of time withthe OM. She tells them that she is just spending time with her "friend". This is really hard on me so I drink alot to just feel numb. I don't do it in front of my girls, but when I am with them I just don't have the energy to do anything. And that she wants me to spend so much time with them because I need to be strong for them. But I can't right now! I guess what I want to know is should I tell them that she is with her BF or should I just let it be? I don't want to hurt them by telling them what she is doing. My youngest especially. I would take her back NOW!!! I love her so much, I just can't seem to breath without her and can't keep a clear head on any decisions.
Re: What do I tell my childern?? 4sarah: Hmmmm thats a hard one. I always try to remember before I talk or ask my kids questions that "kids cannot understand or be asked to understand adult problems". Or at least I try to remember that... If they ask I'm honest but other than that I just try to upset them as little as possible. Its hard for kids because the OTHER PERSON is always super nice to them etc.. to get them to like them and theres just nothing you can do about it. But I figure as long as their being nice to my kids thats all I care about. So I guess I wouldn't introduce the OM as the BF until your X does thats her call just like when you have a new GF it should be your call... I know its hard because I've been seperated over a year and I would take my x back in a minute and I haven't been able to date anyone else etc... but nothing I can do either
Good luck
Sarah
Re: What do I tell my childern?? manda: Nalfein,
I really feel for you because I know that feeling of having all your energy just zapped right out of you! And to have three kids to care for...that is tough.
I would try to tell them as little as possible about it, but if any one of them starts asking, then I also would not lie. Never give more info than they ask for, though. Very tough situation.
Their mother needs a big reality check. The kids are still at such critical ages. She isn't through mothering them, and yet, it sounds as though she is. Too bad that no one else can tell her that she needs to shape up and step up. Coming from you it wouldn't help. If some friend would just tell her...
Good luck. Let us know how things are every now and then.
Re: What do I tell my childern?? nalfein1: I have tried talking to her mother about this. We started talking alot because my wife was going out all the time. ( thats when she met him) and her mom said that she agreed that she was making a big mistake, and that she was going to talk to her about it. Well, she turned things around and told her mom that she started seeing him after she decided to end it.(I know this isnt true because I seen that she was calling him all the time on her cell.) Now I don't talk to her parents anymore, I don't want things to start getting ugly. I was honest with her mom about how I treated my STBXW in the past. She said that we all make mistakes, and that I have become a better person. As for having a freind talk to her she pretty much cut all them off so she can spend time with him. It makes me MAD because she is lying to my girls about what she is doing. They have asked her what she does when they are not there and she tells them that she just goes out with a "friend" for awhile and goes home to go to sleep.( She spends the night at his place whenever I have the girls.) I have gone to the house in the morning when I get off work and she comes there and hurries to change so she can go to work. Should I just support her lie and say nothing? She has even taking the girls out to dinner with him and said that he was just a friend.
Re: What do I tell my childern?? mrlament: my wife recently told me that she was dating the OM (i dont even know if that decription is right, were still married...but i think she would take offense to the "OM" description. he apparently is THE man) anyway she said she hadnt introduced them to him until she knew "it was going somewher" and they were going to "continue to date" btw my kids are 16,12 and 2- since i'm in another state and it has alraedy happened theres not too much i could do. (seems i always the last to know) anyway back to you. your kids are a little younger than mine when i presented the same question you asked amonth ago, on this board btw- the best response i got was kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for somtimes...i say play it by ear, like you said, dont let your emotions come too much to light, who says this is the guy she will settle on? you may find yourself explaining who the next one is, if theres a next one. point is-we dont have any control over who ou the EX, chooses to date- i guess we have to have faith that they will make a good coice, and when it comes time to introduce them to our children they will know when.
p.s. she now leaves them in his care,and she informs me they like him just fine-(ouch!)
