Gotta walk away from my friend BONILLAK: As some of you here know, I have this friend Larry, we have been friendly for 6 yrs but one year ago we became really close with my marriage failing and all. He is a very very confused person but yet he has helped me sooo much during all this mess. His wife and him have been seperated for over 2 yrs as she did nothing the whole marriage but cheat(8times actually) but he kept going back for the kids until 2 yrs ago when they have split for good. We have told each other many times that we aren't looking for a relationship or anything serious but yes we have kissed many times and had sex twice, talk everyday on the phone, etc. The problem is I think its time I must cut ties with him as I feel myself falling in love which is not a good thing. My friend saw him at his place of business today and she was chatting with him about her concerns with me. She doesn't know how I feel about Larry so she was telling him that her and a few other friends are concerned because I show no interest in dating or even going out with friends. She asked him if I ever gave him any reason for not dating as I do have men asking me out, etc. He told her that he thinks he is why I don't date. She asked him if that was a good thing or bad thing that I won't date because of him...his answer was," Well, I guess its a bad thing, I think. I mean I did tell her I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything but maybe she just isn't understanding it."
So I guess its a bad thing because he really isn't looking for anything and I feel myself falling too much for him and having too many scarey feelings and if he really feels the words he said to my friend then I'm setting myself up for hurt. I mean he did say the words "I think" and my friend says he sounds very confused but I have suffered enough hurt and sorrow recently and would be devastated if he hurt me. I think too good of him and have so much respect for him that I have to respect his wishes of wanting nothing on any relationship level. Damn even this hurts so I must cut the ties now. I'm just wondering if I should talk to him about it or just kinda disappear? Thanks guys!
Re: Gotta walk away from my friend freovir: i vote for talk. if nothing else it gives you a chance to communicate when you are scared, and that can be a valuable skill in a future relationship. . . . or you never know, maybe he has been bluffing too.
just my two cents.
--fre
Re: Gotta walk away from my friend Findingmyself: Definately DO NOT just disappear. You need to talk honestly about all of this stuff with him. That would be the honorable thing to do. Even if you still feel you need to cut ties. At least he would have an understanding of what you are thinking and feeling. And perhaps you might gain further insight into what is going on in his head. And this would also be the least hurtfull to each of you.
Now you'll have to pardon me if I step on your toes with this next question but... What is wrong with falling in love?
Re: Gotta walk away from my friend lilly10: I agree talk this out with him. That way neither of you are left wondering what happened. Find out what is going on with him and what he is thinking. Good Luck!
Re: Gotta walk away from my friend ohill: Your situation sounds pretty complicated. If you have already decided to cut ties with this friend, then I would definitely recommend sitting him down for an old-fashioned talk about it. It sounds as if he has helped you a lot throughout the process, and he probably deserves to know that you appreciate him for that even though you are moving beyond your relationship with him. He will also probably have lots of questions, and it will help to be able to address them all at once.
If you haven't decided wholeheartedly to cut ties, then it might help to take a deeper inventory of why you are feeling the way you are. It sounds like you are scared to death of being hurt again, which might be something for further exploration. Relationships are all about vulnerability and the potential for being hurt always exists. If you're not ready to accept the potential downside, then you probably owe it to yourself (and to him) to let him know that and work through the implications on your own.
When he sayd that he is truly "not looking for a relationship" that sounds to me like code for "I'm interested somewhat, but I'm not that interested..." Or, the possibility exists that he is interested but also doesn't want to expose his vulnerability. In the end, I think it is best if you sit him down and talk about these things. Knowing where someone is coming from beats the pants off of wondering...good luck.
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