I have pushed every woman ive ever loved away no more tears: Now that i sit and ponder my future without my X.... i am reflecting on my past. Im 28 years old and have been in 3 serious relationships. I did love these 3 women and now that i think about it.....im kickin myself in the ass for what happened in all 3 relationships. I have never been married....but i had 3 women who wouldve married me in a hearbeat. I have no children...but i have 3 women who always hinted about starting a family with me. Every 1 of these girls is a person any man would want....and now....they are all gone.
My last X is the 1 i really thought would be my wife..i will never forget her and she will always have my heart. But now the other 2 are for some reason coming to mind. I guess every man needs to take a moment and reflect...and damn what a reflection i got. The 3 women in my life that i have loved are all now happy and have a family...and i am now desperate and miserable. My 1st love was my high school sweetie which lasted 4 years..then i met a little brown eyed SWEETHEART that lasted 2...but my last g/f...MY BABY... was for 7 years...she was my life....SHE WAS MY LIFE !!!
But now I am not only grieving my X but also grieving what coulve been with these other women who tried so hard to break my shell and become my other half. All i ever wanted is to start a family and be happy and i am realizing that i have really been blessed to be in a position to even meet these girls....let alone a chance to be thier man. I like to drink and refuse to forget my buddies and that was the basis for all 3 relationships not working among other things. I enjoyed thanksgiving completley alone when i couldve of enjoyed it with my wife and kids. But wait....i dont have a wife and kids because im a dumbass. I have had true love and happiness in my hands but i never grasped it completley. I gave 98% but you have to give 100%
Im just wondering are some people not meant to be in a loving happy relationship for good ?. I cannot picture myself living my life without somebody i love and adore to come home to. I cannot picture myself not ever starting a family...although i have had the chance. I have had 3 women that at the time i did love ask me what do you think about having a child....and i would reply...did u remember to take your birth control today. But in reality thats what i want. A family with somebody i love.
Im just emotional 2nite.....1st thanksgiving alone ever.....and thinking about what i have let slip through my hands....I COULD be happy right now with the woman i loved....but im not.
Re: I have pushed every woman ive ever loved away jadedangel: [color=navy"> There was a reason that the first two were not your brides to be ... I believe in fate --- I hafta say that.
You said so yourself ... you thought your last would be your wife. That right there speaks volumes as to why you 'let the first two go' ... Sure -- I have no doubt that they were great women ... I have no doubt that you could of had a family with them -- but, seriously ... would it have been everything you want a family and a 'happy life' ... to be?
I will admit .. I did the same thing in a way. I had an ex before this ex (if that makes sense) .... and when I lost this guy (who is the love of my life) ... I started to wonder what was up with this other guy. We talked ... which was surprisingly really easy. The more I talked to this guy .. the more I knew why me and him would of never made it. He was an awesome guy --- one of the nicest I ever knew ... but me and him .. were not meant to be anything more than what we were.
I would be a hypocrite if I said ... I felt there was someone out there for everyone. Because I believe myself to be one of those people --- that is not meant to be in a relationship for 'good' ... I hate it -- but, the way my life works ... I truly think it is like that. A family .. well that also is a soft spot for me. I have wanted kids more than I have ever wanted anything. I hate to get started for fear I will cry about it ....
This Thanksgiving was crappy for me ... I am there with ya on that boat that never seems to quit rocking and never stops. All I could remember is how we talked about getting married last year .... and realizing what I had this year. I fear Christmas because of it ... I am sorry .. I wish there was more that I could say --- but I can't ... and all I am doing now is rambling.
:hugs: .... [/color">
Re: I have pushed every woman ive ever loved away daemon: well no more tears.
You say that you left these three women and they all could have been your wives. Look at it this way you said the last girl you were with could have been the one. It seems to me like you keep getting closer all the time to the person who is meant to be with you.
So maybe the next person will be even closer and could be the one so don't give up yet.
Fate has a funny way of working things out.
Hang in there you'll see.
Re: I have pushed every woman ive ever loved away flowersdirtandgardengirl: NMT,
I thought for a second you might be my ex :)
In have a question for you, a personal one, I guess. Not personal in terms of being too revealing but it has a great deal of person meaning to me.
I was told the other day by a close friend of my ex whom I used to be close with as well that "what makes a guy want to stay with a girl if she keeps him on his toes, makes him feel like he has little to no control over what may or may not happen with her. Basically, the more messed up they are, the more we want to be with them. <Insert's ex's name here> knew you were in a different space than that. He knew he wanted to meet a girl like you but not for another 10 years".
So here's my question: did you ever feel that way, too? Did you feel like you wanted someone crazy or dramatic or messed up or tormented? Did you feel like you weren't "ready to grow up"?
I pass no judgement. I just wonder. There is something about what you said that reminded me so much of conversations I had with my ex before we started dating....
~gg
Re: I have pushed every woman ive ever loved away lapse of reason: Wow. Reading this message really got me. I feel terrible for you. You are lucky though. Mosp people will live their entire lives going from person to person to person without realizing what they are doing. They will blame the entire world before recognizing that its them. You are only 28. You can fix this.
Is there no hope with lady number 3? Can you not reach out to her and try work things out?
If there is, fight! If there isn't, learn from this. Seek therapy, talk to someone close in your family. Do something today!
You now know what the problem is. Work on it.
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