Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: Hi all, new here. Been married almost 10 years and with my wife for 11. I am 34 years old, she is 32 so we were young I guess when we met. Anway, on 10/17/2005 (my personal 9/11) my wife told me she wanted out of the marriage and that she was no longer in love with me. In fact, the last 5 years have been an act and she has held on hoping things would change but they had not. Now we had problems and I knew she was not happy at times, but I never thought them to be this bad.
Anyway, after a few pleading sessions for her to stay and work it out I gave in. She made it very clear to me that she is NOT coming back to me, she is DONE with this marriage and I need to suck it up and get over it. Come to find out she was already on dating sites as of the first day as well looking for my replacement.
Now a month has passed, we are in the same house still trying to sell it so we can part ways after splitting the profit. The house is too expensive for me to leave and be able to afford a second place. She is active on the singles sites, and chats alot too. I am just trying to get over things right now. Some days are worst than others. One thing that scares me is alcohol is starting to numb the pain like a medicine. Somedays I use it more than others. All in all I am trying to remain amicable and detach at the same time. Very hard while still living together. I bought "FOrget your EX" on this site and it was great. I both laughed and cried reading it.
Anyway, just introducing myself, looking to get some support. The pain is overwhelming at times but those times are getting fewer and further between with time. I cannot fully heal until I get out of this house though.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped jadedangel: [color=navy"> WP --
Well you are right about the fact that you will never heal until you are out of that house -- so all I can really do is wish good luck with getting rid of it.
Just like Stanker said -- alot of us are going through the same heartbreak. Bad habits -- smoking and drinking and easily picked up. But .. remember, that these are only temporary fixes .. it may become numb now -- soon it won't have the same effect. Careful with that. I know easier said than done -- sometimes I come on here and feel like a hypocrite by saying it. But -- I also know it's true.
It almost sounds like she has absolutely no regard for your feelings. Which -- with that I have seen -- is not uncommon. One day she will see the grass is not always greener -- but, until then just avoid her. Is there a way to seperate the house so you don't see her as often? I know sounds strange .. but, there could be off limit places. You have to find yourself again. Posting here helps to get it out -- so you don't have to let her know anything, so I would advice that.
Good luck -- try and find something you really love ... to focus on. Or .. try to find something you really hate ... just focus on something else. [/color">
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped mrlament: whirlpool dude,
sorry to hear about your situation-
welcome aboard....yeah, that "suck it up" - "get over it" line seems to be popular...ive heard it at the begining and the end of almost every conversation. unfortunately ive come learn that the interpitation of this is:
"i'm (already) sleeping with someone else" or "there is (already) someone else"...get back to me down the road and let me know if it holds true. all the best!
be careful about using substance as a coping mechanism...when my wife left me high and dry i really went off the deep end, ive pulled my self out only recently, and now that the clouds have cleared from my head i see just how far it sey me back. so be careful, if you induldge do it w/friends...dont drink alone.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped Whirlpool: Thanks for the kind and wise words. As I once heard before, it is a big crap sandwich and we all have to take a bite.
Re: Been a little over a month since the bomb dropped lilly10: Hi Whirlpool,
I lived in the same house with my ex for the first month or so after the bomb was dropped it was AWFUL! I was grieving and overwhelmed with all the hurt and I just cried all the time. He was off with his other woman having a grand ol time for himself. I could not even start the healing process with him still at the house because he would just give me mixed signals or be a heatless b@stard. Some how you guys need to figure out a way to get out from under the same roof. Can one of you stay with a friend or family member temporarily? My ex stays with some co-workers well now I think he lives with the other woman (above her mothers garage) but I really dont know. We both still split the mortgage and the all the bills till the house sells.
Oh and as far as sucking it up and getting over it well if we were heartless jerks we to could just jump online or seek another relationship to cover up the pain. That is not the way to get over anything. Getting over this will take time and to bad for them if we dont just turn on the "get over it" switch.
As far as drinking well I am not much of a drinker but I did pick up smoking after quiting for 9 months after this all happend. I also have become a major shopoholic. I feel bad so what do I do go straight to the mall and spend away.
Good Luck and I want you to know that it does get easier. Stick around here and you will get tons of support.
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