Re: What a tangled web we weave- confession crushedman: I'm not justifying my actions. What I did was wrong, plain and simple. I'm saying that both of us have done things that are wrong. Regarding staying together, I don't have much choice in that right now. My preference is that it works out. But that is up to her.
But I still love her and I still believe.
Re: What a tangled web we weave- confession Lumpy: [quote author=crushedman link=topic=22079.msg205601#msg205601 date=1133033167">
XGF will go through a difficult trial. At the end of it all, she will see that what I did was similar to things she has done to me in the past. She will realize that what I did, while TERRIBLE, did serve to balance the power of the relationship back to zero. And then we will be together again. It may take some time, though.
Is it unlikely? Absolutely. But I still believe.
[/quote">
Don't want to flog a dead horse here but I think the scenario you just described is beyond unlikely. It's much easier for you to justify what you did than it will be for her to believe that the scales have just been balanced. How are the two of you ever going to trust one another again? You've both shown the other that you're capable of extreme deceit. It's much harder to re-establish trust once it's been broken. I don't think it's impossible but it's a extremely tough row to hoe.
Re: What a tangled web we weave- confession JerniganReturns: Okay, man! :-\
All I'm saying is, when you start subscribing to the "two wrongs make one right" approach to relationships, you're in some pretty perilous, murky terrain.
Also, all of what you disclosed begs the serious question: why do you want to be in that place again? And how did you get to that place?
Much has been about the stages of grief on this board. Like you, I went through certain states of denial. Please understand, I don't mean this as a slight.
I've just been there and done that: that's all. And I'm much better off being OUT of that situation now, even if it means being alone indefinitely. I only started to make progress---and restore what little sense of peace I have---when I decided to distance myself from that dynamic. It would have been easier to stay. However, that would have proven disasterous in the long run.
Re: What a tangled web we weave- confession crushedman: You guys make valid points. Maybe I am in denial. I am certainly willing to accept the possibility. Or maybe there really is hope. Who can say?
All I know definitively is that we are 2 people that are very close in stature along the path. From my standpoint, this is something to build on. I'm willing to forgive the things she has done and beg forgiveness for the things I've done, this may mean something or it may not- she may never feel the same way.
Here is the key: throughout this ordeal I've lost my attachment to outcomes. I've already come out of the darkness and I feel comfortable facing whatever happens next. I'd prefer to face the next challenge with her by my side and make things right with her. However, I don't get to make the decision as to whether that will happen. She does. And if she chooses the way most of you feel that she will, then I will have to go it alone. I'm prepared to accept that this might be the most likely eventuality. That doesn't mean that I have to give up hope (I'm not).
Re: What a tangled web we weave- confession elephant: That is quite an understatement "crushed man". The only thing you are crushed about is that you got caught. You have no regard to anyones feeling but your own. If everyone must know...if I can stop shaking, is that I am the one who is crushed. I decided to forgive this man for using drugs and take him back. I huge leep of faith considering my last boyfriend was a drug addict, but I do believe in second chances and most of all I loved him. Now, for the last month I have been putting everything that I am into him and putting my faith into us even though, at times, I have been suspicious. The phone is on silent, and lots of little things just don't add up. But as he said it was probably because it is hard for me to let go of the past. This wednesday night he went out to the bars and I asked him to call me when he got home. I didn't like the idea because he has abused cocaine in the past but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because he is on medication now and seeing a therapist. (Both also lies) He never called and when I woke up and called him at 5 in the morning there was no answer. He called back after she left. I had a bad feeling when I picked him up to go and share Thanksgiving with me and my family but he insisted that he just feel asleep and that I should trust him. He really had been blowing lines and having sex with his ex in the apartment I found and helped move into a few weeks earlier. Not to mention sex on the sheets and blankets I supplied. Everything that made it a home I gave to him! And he has lied about everything else you could imagine. He even had sex with me last night and the night before with no guilt what so ever. The next day after sleeping with her unprotected. Now I am here, a mess. My whole world has been false and I get to go to my highschool reunion tonight and put on a happy face??? I am the crushed one man!!!! I thought you loved me and wanted to marry me. You are a pathalogical liar. You are a brilliant writer, but I recommend that nobody take his advice. He is a coward and he has no character. He actually has her over his house right now. NO regard for anyone but himself. He couldn't be alone and face the truth. Maybe she brought some uppers they could share tonight while I drown in my vomit.
There is no words to describe how heart I am. My heart my god.
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