I Am Wondering What She Is Thinking dontgetit: If you have been follwing my posts you will know that my wife left me for another man after 20+ years of marriage (it was a difficult 20+ years and I am still confused as to whether it was me or her or both)....I went on to a co-dependant site and found the following information which may be helpful to some of you.
Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic – that is, they are self-centered with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama.
The taker uses many forms of both overt and covert control to get the attention he or she wants. Takers not only want a lot of control, but are often afraid of being controlled and become overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do. The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.
In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "You are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay."
Caretakers, on the other hand, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need." Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love - they give to get.
Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and well-being. Takers generally attempt to have control over others' giving them the attention and admiration they want in overt ways, while caretakers attempt to have control over getting approval in more covert ways, such as compliance, doing to much for others, and/or withholding their wants and opinions.
Because neither takers nor caretakers are taking care of themselves, they will each end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged.
Anyway this is why I posted this time - I was given custody of my daughter (temporary as it is until we go back to court on the 6th)...My lawyer tells me that it will not change, but she is telling my grown daughter that on the 6th things will change.....The little girl will have nothing to do with the new man, will not go to her new home and will not sleep there....The lawyer I have is a child advocate lawyer and tells me (and the court) that moving the 10 year old into this new environment is not good)...Anyway the mother is under the impression that one more court date and it will all change - I do not think she is basing this on anything.....What is she thinking.....
Ladies - your mindset on this would be great...
Re: I Am Wondering What She Is Thinking Tarheel: I remember having to prepare for the temp heaing and all that crap. And my ex-wife went into this divorce idea thinking SHE was gonna get all the custody she wanted.
She was wrong.
I was the one who wound up with primary physical custody of our two year old, and SHE was the one left with every other weekend visitation.
I know judges are different from state to state and region to region, but if a conservative Alabama judge would give a responsible father custody of a two year old, I think you getting your 10 year old is a good bet, especially since you have the temp custody. Just keep your act together and all should be fine. :)
