What is a "second chance?" Tarheel: This doesn't really fit anywhere else on the board, so I'll toss it out right here. Just about everyone says that people deserve second chances. I think that way myself. But, exactly WHAT is a second chance?
To use my personal example, I found out positively little over a year ago that my wife had been cheating on me since October 9, 2004. I had her legally kicked out of our house in January. Do the 93 days she was cheating on me during that time count as 93 second chances? Does the time period from when she started cheating on me and the time I found out count? (i.e. Does the wronged party have to acknowledge the mistake for a second chance to be issued?)
How many "second chances" should one get? For me, I gave my wife three months to get her s*** together and figure out what she wanted with her life. Does all that time count as a second chance? I mean, she was repeatedly breaking our vows. Or does a second chance only happen after one crawls back asking for forgiveness?
I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but it popped in my head a few nights ago while reading another thread here. (And I know I'm over thinking this...) But on top of that, I took her back in May, only to have her run back to him five days later. And when she ran back to me in September, a week away from flying home indefinitely, I let her stay in her old room - nothing more. I realized today how awesome it was for me NOT to play the hero, or that just giving her a roof over her head for that week was hero enough.
I know I'm totally rambling here, but it's just something I wanted to get off my chest.
Re: What is a "second chance?" Lumpy: [quote author=Tarheel link=topic=22088.msg205682#msg205682 date=1133052073">
But on top of that, I took her back in May, only to have her run back to him five days later. And when she ran back to me in September, a week away from flying home indefinitely, I let her stay in her old room - nothing more. I realized today how awesome it was for me NOT to play the hero, or that just giving her a roof over her head for that week was hero enough.
[/quote">
IMHO what happened in May definetly qualifies as a second chance. At that point you knew exactly what had happened and you still extended yourself to her. I guess the key to the second chance is that they have to ask for it.
Re: What is a "second chance?" TaoChick: It seems like you've given her more than a second chance. I personally wouldn't feel obligated to give any more chances than what you've already given. I gave my ex another chance for many reasons, but one of which was guilt combined with the notion that marriage was too big of a commitment to give up on "so easily." In retrospect, though, I think I gave him too many chances and wrongfully felt morally obligated to give him those additional chances. And the only reason I think I felt that way was b/c we were married. Had we not had that legal recognition with the public ceremony, I don't think I would've felt obligated to give him more chances. My advice? Try to erase the word "marriage" and see if that makes a difference. If she were "only" a girlfriend, would you still wonder if you've given her an adequate second chance?
Re: What is a "second chance?" Tarheel: Oh, this isn't a matter of me giving her another second chance. That's done and gone. I gave her PLENTY of second chances in my opinion. I'm just tossing this out here for discussion.
[quote author=Lumpy link=topic=22088.msg205689#msg205689 date=1133053128">
I guess the key to the second chance is that they have to ask for it.
[/quote">
Well, if that's the case, say a person asks for a second chance after you've done moved on and have your own life going on. Does the "everyone deserves a second chance" rule apply then, too?
Re: What is a "second chance?" freovir: to answer your question tarheel, i think a second chance doesn't officially start until the offending person decided to TRY. . . REALLY TRY.
so, in your case those 93 days were not a second chance. possibly the time in may was if she was really repentent. only she knows that, i guess.
--fre
Click More for the next page.
