Re: Getting desperate Gabo: Dude you don't need to be that harsh. I am not talking about using no one. What i am saying is that the only way to actually be over is when you are actually with someone else happy and don't missing those old days when you where with your X. I think is very very hard to be with yourself without missing X.
Nope I am not talking of using someone to forget. Same reason why I am by myself and not with the first available arms that past me by. I am talking about being a couple, that's all.
Try to read more carefully man.
Re: Getting desperate Sittingbear: thanks for clarifying that for me...
yet I still say that their is still a level of "using" happening..yet this is my opinion....
yet lets check this out...what you said and what I shared...
you said:
What i am saying is that the only way to actually be over is when you are actually with someone else happy and don't missing those old days when you where with your X.
now where in here is there not "using" another person for your healing or return to happiness...
anyway ... we are not working out...perhaps another opinion is what you need...don't want to kick dead ants around....
later and create a great life for yourself and new partner
sittingbear
Re: Getting desperate Whirlpool: [quote author=Jabe link=topic=22089.msg206044#msg206044 date=1133136119">
Dude you don't need to be that harsh. I am not talking about using no one. What i am saying is that the only way to actually be over is when you are actually with someone else happy and don't missing those old days when you where with your X. I think is very very hard to be with yourself without missing X.
Nope I am not talking of using someone to forget. Same reason why I am by myself and not with the first available arms that past me by. I am talking about being a couple, that's all.
Try to read more carefully man.
[/quote">
Sittingbear gave you great advice, obviously he is an upfront no beating around the bush type of guy and you have to respect that on this board. You will get coddled alot here, you need people like him to give you shot of reality for balance.
Now, saying that I also understand where you are coming from. Nothing heals the heart from loss of love like finding love somewhere else. I agree with this, but at the same time be cautious and know you are ready to lvoe this person and not use them as a band-aid. This is not fair to them.
Re: Getting desperate hudson: First off, I don't think jabe was talking about using anyone in the sense that was implied by sittingbear.
So Jabe,
I understand the strong inclination to find another woman to fill the massive void that your ex left behind. It is certainly a most painful void unlike any you've ever felt before.
Your ex has left you with so much need, with so much emptiness and the first thing that comes to mind is replace her...or at least find someone who doesn't make you think of her so much.
All I can say is, get healthy first before you jump back into the game. Right now you are on the injured reserve list. You need to recover from the devestating loss, you need to learn to get back on your feet and fend for yourself. You need to learn to be single again. There are a lot of emotions that need to be worked through so that you aren't carry large amounts of baggage into the next relationship.
It is an overwhelming transition at first, but slowly you will find that becoming single again isn't so bad. I would've never believed the advice that i'm giving you when I first got to ojar, but now I'm a believer. You will make this transition from coupled to single. I know it feels like you'll never get through this without a woman, but I promise, from experience, you can and will if you just try.
Regardless of mine or anyone elses advice you will find your own path through this transition. I found my own path and it led me to a few unhealthy but imo, necessary rebound relationships. So you live and learn. But whatever you do, don't go gettin' attached to another woman right now.
my two cents
take care
Re: Getting desperate Sittingbear: okay now
Blazing heart....lets take it down or up a notch...what ever you like...
this desperate fellow of good intentions,, is single...he had the partner..it never worked out..for reasons he knows..yet that doesn't change the fact that his wounds are really fresh....2 months..heck...the guy needs a Friend more than jumping in a relationship of the heart (partnership= couple)....
Sorry bud...yet Blazing heart and Whirlpool all have your highest interest in mind....what I wish to point out is
Your wounds are fresh..dude...and unless you get some healthy friend support (preferably female) around you...these wounds will pour into your next relationship....this is called the rebound...and statistically knowing .....all rebound relationships are based on using the other partner for something.....Are rebound reltaionships the best for seperation...mmm...questionable....yet they have worked...and flourished with a heck of alot of work...on oneself and with the other party in this couple. Yet at least you know I am human , as I know you are ,, and I am glad that your ex is healthy and your alive too...
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