Dear D sparks: Dear D
Its 5am and I have been awake for 3 hours now. I cant sleep and I havent eaten. Its like the beginning of the breakup all over again. I was doing so well. I havent cried in several months, I havent thought about you that much. I even started dating a little. Then you came back. I was good at first. I really didnt feel that much for you. I knew I would be okay. Until you told me you were with her. I thought I would have a couple of days maybe a week without her here. The pain came back. Doubled. It washed over me and consumed me. Its not so much the divorce that is painful. Its the constant reminder of how you left. I loved you and trusted you so much. When we married I gave a piece of myself that nobody else will ever have. I trusted you to cherish what I gave you and protect it. I trusted that even if we did not make it that you continue to cherish and protect that part that I had given you. Instead you cheated on me. You destroyed what I had given you. I cant ever get it back.
I wanted this to work. Parenting our kids together. But I dont know how to get past the pain you have caused me. I work at it all the time but its a thought that constantly creeps into my mind. How could you do this? How could this be okay and right? I still feel shell shocked and that it will all be over and everything will be alright. But its not. You are gone and left me feeling unloveable and inadequate as a wife, a mother and a person. I find myself wishing that I had never met you and then I think about our kids and how wonderful they are. I wouldnt want to give them up for anything in the world. I just wish I could have them without you. I do know that had I known how this would end, I would have never married you. What we had is not worth what we have now.
s
