What do you think about this? Need advice/ AKA: "NO" to wet t-shirt contests! manda: Okay, here goes it:
I'm trying to plan ahead to keep from going crazy and think that life is over now. So I thought I'd give myself until after Christmas before starting to MAKE myself get out there into the world. I am letting myself hide out until then. I need this time. But I also know it is unhealthy to be as secluded as I am right now. I just need to get out of the house...but not yet.
This is my plan. Tell me what you think. Don't hold back (as I know you won't).
My first obstacle is I have no friends to do this with [size=8pt"> (spent 15 years just being mom and best friend to H--sometimes eating out with his business associates)[/size"> ...but I have an idea. It might be a bad one though. One of my students' parents are really cool people and I've taught 3 of their 4 kids--in two years I'll have the last one (important to remember okay?). The mom helps in my room and we joke and cut up some--very cool person. I know they go out a lot because her husband has a band. She and the other girlfriends of the band go along and have fun at the gigs.
So, I'm thinking about asking her if I could tag along sometime. Why am I worried about it? Because I am her child's teacher, and because I know I will probably see (at these places) two other parents (also nice, but...). But it isn't like I'll be wild and crazy--I barely drink and I never enter wet-t-shirt contests--ha ha. I just want to hear some music and visit with people.
This just touches on the whole "teacher" going out problem I think I'll have. I'm really hung up on this. Do other teachers on here have this problem or is it just me because I am in the bible belt and am pretty conservative (aka: boring, I guess)?
My other question is: it takes 365 days in North Carolina to separate and divorce. Our agreed on date is August because that is when we first separated--later he came back and then left again. So, If I meet someone, am I allowed to date? And does anyone consider that cheating? I don't want to cheat. I haven't taken off my ring. Should I?
Ugghhh, help. Oh, and could you tell me if you think it is good to give myself this deadline for sitting around feeling sorry for myself?
Re: What do you guys think about this...need advice jillieb44: Get out there, woman!! LOL
I think that if you meet and date in NC before the divorce is final it's legally cheating (as in the state cares) whereas in other states where it is 'no fault' the state doesn't care if you date while separated. (ie I guess it matters in the bible belt).
Does your ex care if you date? If not I wouldn't worry about it.
I have no idea about the teacher thingy. I'm dating a teacher, but he's not my kids' teacher.
Jillie
Re: What do you guys think about this...need advice manda: North Carolina is No Fault....
Oh, you're scaring me.
And no, he isn't going to want me to.
So you think I need to wait until August.
I don't want to date these parents (LOL) just go out and do things with them.
Re: What do you guys think about this...need advice jillieb44: Just go out and have fun, then.
I didn't have much luck in the dating department at first either; I'm still not sure where I stand with the guy I'm currently seeing. He was very forward at first and is now pulling back, but it's him, not me. So not sure.
So if you're not going to date the parents, or cause some sort of scene where you damage your reputation, then go for it!!
Jillie
Re: What do you guys think about this...need advice techick: As for the dating thing, look at your state's laws. If your ex doesn't want you too then that's his problem. The only time that I would worry about is if you date and he doesn't and he can hold that against you in court. When I seperated from my H, he started to date off the batt and I waited 11 mths, just because of me, not him, but when I asked my lawyer if H could hold it against me, he said that it cancelled each other out because H was dating too.
As for when to go out, you are right, isolating can be a bad thing and I say CAN becuase I don't think it always is a bad thing. If you are doing it for a short time and it's becuase you are realy looking at yourself and your life and your situation then I don't think it's a bad thing. I fyou are doing it to hide from life and people, then yes it can be "bad". Like I said, I didnt' date for 11 mths, I saw my friends some and other then that, I hung out with my kids and did things that we and I couldn't do while I was with H, it was a good thing. Even the time at night on my own was good becuase I got to relax and to think and to get my head back together. When it started to become depressing is when I called the lawyer and started to date people:) Now with my XBF, rofl I have an insteresting life but BF was 16 mths afer seperation ok, so with XBF well I started to date becuase I was going nuts and going to lose it in this house with my kids gone, my BF gone, my animals gone!! If I didn't get out and realize that there IS a life out there, well then I"d be in bed crying all day and that's NOT a good thing. That's where I am at now, forcing myself to go out becuase I am afraid that if I don't, that I will really go downhill and then I won't get my kids back, my things back in order or a new life and then I would be doomed to just hanging on for the rest of my life and that I won't allow, I can't allow.
Boy am I long winded today?:) Well as I keep getting interrupted and now have lost my train of thought, good luck and do what you feel is right for you, while realizing the pits falls to avoid:)
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