Truth: I am scared to death barelybreathing: I know I need to do this.....date again.
I am so scared.
I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to be afraid to love or experience it again. I don't want my ex or my ex's actions in any way shape or form negate what happens to me in the future. I don't want to give him that power.
The truth is though, he does have it to a degree. I don't think I can bare another infidelity. I don't want to ever be lied to again.
I know there are good men out there, monogamous men, honest men. I know that there are mentally healthy and sane men but DAMN, I am so scared to find them.
Is it best to just close your eyes and jump?
It's been so long, so damn long, that I have gotten comfortable with being alone. I like the safety of my world. No threat of lies, no threat of drama, no threat of cheaters, no damn threats. I answer to no one but myself.
I am too young, too good, and too normal to feel this way.
I loved the sanctity of marriage. I am in awe at the vows two people can exchange. I respect the family unit. I treasure monogamy. I believe in marriage and all it can represent. I don't want to cheat myself of that because of my fears.
I know too much. I am no longer naive. I am no longer innocent to it all. I have experienced too much. I have seen the pits of hell of what can go wrong and all its repercussions and aftermath.
Will it make me stronger? Will it make me wiser? Or am I destined to be a skeptic?
I miss the presence of a man and all the beautiful things that he can bring into my world. But something is holding me back though, a fear that I can't conquer. A fear that I am not sure I should have.
And why? Why am I denying myself the fundamental need of love?
Anybody have an similiar resolve?
BB
Re: Truth: I am scared to death insomnia: it is easy for me to say dont be scared, but to tell you the truth it is scary. i am trying to give it a try but i find that i am not into dating and all the rules that go along with it. things have changed since the last time that i have dated and i fear being hurt... i think that everyone fears the hurt. but i read a good post that said that no matter what you encounter, no one will ever hurt you like the hurt that you felt when your marriage broke up and you survived. take your time- sounds like you are not ready yet.
Re: Truth: I am scared to death Beren: I think we should get some Ojar men to take you on some practice dates. I'll make out some "personality cards" to give out to them first, just so you can practice weeding out the psychos, abusers, and cheaters.
Beren
Re: Truth: I am scared to death insomnia: and what are we left with? J/K
Re: Truth: I am scared to death Beren: Men who live in their parents' basement, are freshly separated or divorced, are chronically unemployed, or are hideously ugly.
Beren
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