Re: Truth: I am scared to death flowersdirtandgardengirl: BB (and Whiskey),
You completely read my mind. So weird when that happens...must adjust protective sheild made of tin foil and tooth picks...but I digress.
Just today I was thinking all of these things. Now that I am actully leaving the house on a semi-regular basis (and no longer being trailed by baldy, oops, I mean, my ex everywhere I go) I am coming to terms with the fact that (gasp!) there are guys out there. And some of them even seem like they want to talk to me.
And it scares the living f-ing daylights out of me. I, unlike you or Whiskey am SO not ready. [color=orange"> Not ready not ready not ready[/color"> . But I can see now why people want to construct an impenetrable stone wall around themselves for protection. Now that a treaty between the heart and head (and hopefully soon the stomach) has been negotiated I cannot imagine ever letting anyone else in with a fraction of potential power (for lack of a better word) to do that again.
So now I'VE hijacked your post for no reason other to say I'm right there with you. In every single stated way.
Where's Michael's Guide to Rebounding Past The Rebound issue when you need one?
Or maybe I can publish a little "Sleeping With The Help: GG's Guide to Dating" (see also: Staying Single for Life ;))
Re: Truth: I am scared to death JimB: [quote author=Beren link=topic=22523.msg209440#msg209440 date=1134011714">
I think we should get some Ojar men to take you on some practice dates. [/quote">
Oooh! Me! Me! We'd be great together, if we don't gouge each other's eyes out first! :o (Luv ya BB! ;D)
Seriously, BB, it's pretty simple. It's a risk/reward evaluation. If what you have as a single person (and a mommy) is too great to give up, dating ain't worth the trouble. If you yearn for someone with whom to share your great life, jump in. Like anything else, there'll be obstacles. Nothing you can't handle, though.
Re: Truth: I am scared to death Lumpy: Dear BB,
I'm really glad to see you making this step. Take to it as you have every stage of your divorce. Babysteps. You don't have to jump in. You sure as hell don't want to close your eyes. You are stronger and wiser than you were when you met your ex. You are a very strong woman. You will conquer this fear if you choose too. Hell, Jim B already asked you out!
Re: Truth: I am scared to death barelybreathing: Funny, funny Jimb. Actually an ojar alumni from Chicago said we would be perfect for one another. We both love to analyze. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
I know it is a huge leap of faith. And there is never any guarantees with anything.
My patience is much less these days. I do not have time for nonsense.
I don't have an ex hanging around. He has run away from all things responsible in his life, especially know that ALL his lies have come to light. I am a full time 24/7, never take a break parent.
But I miss companionship. I miss the very simple things about having a partner. I was at a Christmas parade last weekend, and for the first time, I felt truly lonely. Not alone, but lonely.
I miss leaning into someone and making a statement or a silly comment and having them completley understand my logic. I miss so much of it.
I have taken baby steps throughout this whole process. Which for me, personally was necessary. I am a cautious and conservative creature by nature so I have to operate in that capacity. I was offically divorced in October. Throughout my long, painful separation though, I was not dating nor even puting myself in a compromising place. It was better for me to be that way. More a convictions thing than anything else.
So now I am free and clear. (Even got an official blessing from a priest to get out there and date!) But I am so very, very scared.
I have not been with anyone else in so long. "He" is all I know. Part of me is like excited about meeting someone so different from the ex and then there is that part of me that is afraid that I might be haunted by what I had with the ex, prior to his first affair, that I might spiral backwards.
I am not sure if I should just bite the bullet and go and have unadulterated "safe" sex with no emotional attachments or if I should wait and cultivate some real emotions with someone new and then proceed with the whole intimacy issue.
ARGGGHHHHHHHHHH! I never use to EVER have to even contemplate these things.
What is my issue? It's not like my ex ever stopped and thought of me when he was gathering all his harem and bouncing back and forth between them all and still confessing his true love to me. Its not like he was scared to date. It was not like he had any fears or insecurities. Oh wait he did, he lied to all them that he was divorced and I was this evil ex wife who kept him away from his child and took him to the cleaners (complete opposite). I guess his fear was that if he let people know the truth about himself than he would not be desireable to anyone!
Okay why am I even tallking about that messed up loser!
ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Didn't I have a post once about going back in my cave? Perhaps that is where I need to be.
BB
Re: Truth: I am scared to death picadilly: Hey BB, you are way too good a woman to be single forever.
Funny thing is I felt this way too, well I guess not funny, more like typical? It took me 2 years of separation (almost 1 year divorce) before I put my foot out there to try the dating pool again. I did have my name & what not on a few of those dating sites but I suppose you have to be proactive on them to net any dates. lol. I haven't bothered to be, I just figured posting on them would be enough to let me think I was doing something.
I did meet a wonderful woman through some friends but it wasn't meant to be & it lasted a couple months but it showed me that I did enjoy another person there with me, I liked being able to hold someone or to just lean over & peck them on the cheek & not have someone slap me in the face. LOL. *ok that last part was partly true... no slapping ensued.
But I also know how you mean, BB, about being dependant & responsible solely for my own actions, in my case going out doing what I wanted when I wanted without having to confer with another. heh, I like both worlds & I think I'm still young enough that eventually I’ll meet someone again & things will be ok with the world.
For the longest time, I truly believed that my ex messed me up because I didn't want to go back out there, to give my soul to someone only to have them rip my heart out. I was very scared of what could happen to me & I wasn't sure I could take that pain again. But I've come to realize there is a flip side to the pain & hurt. That there can be more, that the other side is very nice indeed. You just have to be brave & allow yourself to be open once more.
anyway, be well, you know you are loved here either way.
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