Re: Interesting Conversation (THOUGHTS FROM THE FORUM WOULD BE HELPFUL) TaoChick: I think Lumpy's right that your wife's situation with the OM will implode no matter what you do or don't do. In reading this thread, I'm particularly concerned about your daughter and the effects this situation might have on her. She's obviously a great source of information, even if it may be tainted with a bias toward wanting her parents to get back together. But for her own mental well-being, I would try to lessen her mediating role. If she willingly tells you things, then that's great. But I wouldn't prod her, and I'm not saying that you are, into discussing her opinions of your wife's situation. And if she openly offers this information, I would minimize my reactions to it (and maybe you already are) so as to not send her the unintended message that she's playing the hero role in saving your marriage. If she thinks she's a pivotal figure in whether or not the marriage works, this could have long-lasting effects on her self-esteem and self-image. In short, what's going on between you and your wife will most likely have an impact on your daughter's future relationships; so, I'd also factor that into the whole scenario.
Re: Interesting Conversation (THOUGHTS FROM THE FORUM WOULD BE HELPFUL) dontgetit: You are way off base with your comments - my grown daughter is 23, married with kids of her own and frankly could care less whether her parents reconciled or not (frankly I think she would be happier if we did not - she tells me I am a much nicer person since the split)....She feels no obligation to pass information on nor do I ask her too...The information that was passed last night came out of a deeper discussion with my grown daughter as to why her mother was not spending time with my 10 year old (her sister)......To date this has been the first time my grown daughter has really said anything to me about her mother - although she was a champion for the 10 year old not being forced to go to a new home with a man her mother had known for 3 weeks - like most people she finds it odd (she still has a good relationship with her mother - they just do not discuss it)......Yesterday was a first...The information passed was not to get my hopes up they were just things that she mentioned had been said - I guess we were both looking for the reason she has spent so little time with the child.............
Re: Interesting Conversation (THOUGHTS FROM THE FORUM WOULD BE HELPFUL) stanker: What do you want to happen?
Re: Interesting Conversation (THOUGHTS FROM THE FORUM WOULD BE HELPFUL) dontgetit: My head says move on, my heart says wait til she comes to her senses - get help and put the train back on the track....
Re: Interesting Conversation (THOUGHTS FROM THE FORUM WOULD BE HELPFUL) WhiskeyGirl: Hey Dontgetit,
Just from what I've read here, I would say that, yeah, things aren't working out the way your wife planned and she is definitely having second thoughts. The comments she's making about him being such a good man? I think you are dead on in that she is trying to convince herself. I mean she left you, broke up a family, and basically abandoned her daughter for him.....he HAS to be a good person, he just has to....you know what I mean? Imagine how it would feel to hurt so many people, and step on so many feelings in order to get this wonderful new life...only to find out the new life is worse than the old one....and you feel like you have burned your bridges, you can't even go back to your old life now.....not only did you hurt and step on those people....but now, it seems, you did it for absolutely nothing at all. She wont accept that just yet. She's still holding on to the hope that this wonderful (fictitious) man she had envisioned will show himself shortly and make everything okay. Then she wouldn't have to face everyone after having behaved so selfishly and then failing so miserably. This is just my take on it...I could be way off......but I think you will have a chance to have your wife back. You really need to think about if that's really what you want though....and you need to carry through with making counseling a factor in whether or not she can just walk back in to your lives. You are very patient......it is really good to see someone who is so willing to forgive and so willing to work on things....even after having been hurt so badly. I do believe a family is always worth saving. So many people let pride get in the way and don't allow anyone to make any mistakes. This IS a huge mistake, mind you, its not like you should just gloss over it but sometimes getting through the tough stuff and growing and learning together can make a marriage stronger than ever.
My thoughts are with you.....I sincerely hope she comes to her senses....before its too late....and you come to yours! ;) LOL I'm sorry...bad joke.
I truly hope it works out for you,
Whiskey
