Deciding to Stay or Go singlemommy: Hello...well here is my story. I am 21 years old and my husband and i have been together for the past 6 going on 7 yrs. We have been married since june 2005. We have a beautiful baby girl that is 18 months old. Well my husband and i have always had our issues but he got into some trouble a while back before we got married. He told me that he made mistakes and that he was ready to have his family and live the family life. So i agreed to marry him .
Well he ended up getting in trouble agian and now he's our on house arrest living with someone else. He's completely changed.. It seems all he cares about is his friends and himself. I have asked him for help with the baby financially counting on i'm paying the house payment and everything else by myself but he only cusses me out and hangs up.
Everyone i have remotely talked to about this tells me that i need to kick him to the curb. But i am so scared that my daughter will hold it agianst me for leaving him . I do love him but it seems like he's pushing us further and further away from him everyday. A part of me wants to tough it out and work three jobs to pay all the bills alone. Not ask him for childsupport and hope tht he'll wake up and change but the other part of me says i need to go through with a divorce cause he isn't going to change...and i don't deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life or for another year...i just thaught you guys might be able to give me some advice.
Thanks
Re: Deciding to Stay or Go flyaway: Welcome singlemommy,
I'm sorry you find yourself in our community. But I have a few observations about your post. Ok, first of all, on the guilt issue and your daughter holding it against you. I don't think that really applies here. You see, it sounds like he left you . And if he's not willing to hold up his end of responsibility for the child you conceived together, then there is nothing YOU can do about that.
The next thing that struck me about your post was the fact that you are so attracted by the thought of living off of his support. Yes, you are most definately entitled to something, however, you sound like a strong, intelligent woman, and I would bet that you could and would make it on your own. Now I have to admit that 3 jobs sounds a little bit scary to me, so would there be a possibility of moving to a more affordable location, or otherwise making other changes in your life that would be acceptable in order to live with out killin yourself to live, if you know what I mean?
Lastly, I'm really sorry that your husband has changed the way he has. He has no idea of what he is going to miss out on. And you are so blessed to have your baby girl, and to watch her grow up. You love her for all you're worth, and focus on what's best for both you and her, and you just can't go wrong, eh?!
Take care of you!
Flyaway
Re: Deciding to Stay or Go frontier74: It sounds like your husband still has a lot of growing up to do, and who knows whether he'll ever actually do it. It could be that deep down, he realizes this too, so he's doing everything he can to sabotage your marriage.
Don't waste a single second worrying that your daughter will hate you for leaving him. As a matter of fact, he already left you, and her.
From what you described of his situation, it doesn't sound like he really wants to get his life under control, which means he definitely isn't ready to be a husband, or a father. You might not want to divorce him, but it doesn't sound like he's going to give you many choices. It'll probably come down to divorcing him or waiting around indefinitely, hoping he'll get himself straightened out. It will most likely take him years to overcome whatever it is he's dealing with, if he's able to do it at all.
Also, I wouldn't depend on too much support from him in the future, he'll probably have a lot of trouble just supporting himself. Not that you shouldn't do everything you can to make sure that he provides for his daughter.
Just worry about giving your daughter a good life. Unfortunately, at the moment, it sounds like maybe it shouldn't include him.
Re: Deciding to Stay or Go ChiefWiggum: [quote author=singlemommy link=topic=22526.msg209463#msg209463 date=1134015384"> i am so scared that my daughter will hold it agianst me for leaving him[/quote">
Can you give an example of what you think your daughter might say? Thanks.
CW
Re: Deciding to Stay or Go WhiskeyGirl: Welcome singlemommy :)
Okay....I'm a bit confused about why he is under house arrest at someone elses house? Had he moved out before this happened?
Anyway...that really makes no difference. Obviously he has issues.....and the kind of issues you don't want around an 18 month old baby.
I agree...kick him to the curb.....or the rest of his stuff anyway...as it seems he has taken himself to the curb.
I understand your concern that your daughter wont have a daddy...but, hey...her safety and happiness come first, It doesn't sound like he is contributing to either of these things. It doesn't have to be forever either. Maybe while you are separated you could do some counselling together, even date a bit....he can get his shit together so he stop "getting into trouble" and you guys can build a solid foundation for a long and healthy marriage.
Kicking him out, standing up for yourself and your daughter....doesn't have to mean you give up all hope...you guys are very young, he has a lot of growing up to do....you both are going to make mistakes. Sometime we have to make allowances for that and maybe not have the perfect family right away. But taking the time now to really fix these problems does mean you can't just keep him there and hope it works out.
He needs a wake up call, he needs his ass boooted out, he needs some time to see what he has lost nd he needs your patience and acceptance to allow him to make amends if that time comes.
It ain't easy....I'm sorry you had to find us....but good luck.
Take care of yourself,take care of your baby...thats the main thing :)
Whiskey
Click More for the next page.
