New Here - Need Advice jashton79: Hi all, I'm new here and I'm looking for advice...
A little background, my husband and I have been together for 7 years and married 4 of them. He's in the military and has been on a training course out of State for the past 3 weeks. I have not heard from him 2 out of the 3 weeks he's been gone. I have made repeated attempts to contact him, he will not accept my calls. I called to the hotel room and he told me he didn't feel like talking to me and hung up. It's completely out of character for him to do something like this, up until this point he was a wonderful husband. I have been checking the bank accounts and he's spent a LOT of money since he's been gone. I also checked the cell phone bill and found a number local to the area on there, I called (hoping it would be a delivery food order) and a girl picked up the phone. I asked if I was calling a residential number and she said it was her cell phone - I'm devastated. He returns home on Saturday, not sure what to expect and not sure where to go to from here. I know anything he were to tell me at this point would be excuses, and I'm not sure how I could trust him again after this.
Any advice? From an outsiders perspective... is he a guilty man?
Thanks,
Jamie
Re: New Here - Need Advice MJ28: I don't know if his actions say guilty, but they definitely throw up some red flags. I think you should try and prepare yourself for the worst case. Has he been a loving and attentive husband thus far?
Re: New Here - Need Advice flyaway: Ok J. the signs point to something sinister, that's for sure. My first advice to you would be to find a woman where you are at, who is more mature, who you can trust, and share what your suspicions are. Then you need to keep her informed every step of the way through this process.
Second, you do need to have a conversation with him. You need to remain calm, and show him the evidence you have gathered. If you are accused of spying, I think that his responses to you on the phone while he's been away are a good enough reason for you to start digging a little deeper. And share that with him.
It is so important that while you are presenting the evidence to him, you try not to go on the offensive (which I know is hard, considering the circumstance). But the reason I say this is : if this is the first "speed bump" in an otherwise loving and committed marriage, you may be able to salvage the relationship, deal with it, and heal from it, and move on to something deeper, and better than you ever imagined. So handle things with kid gloves for now. Do you understand what I'm saying? :)
Anyhow, J. You have come to the right place.....and hopefully won't need to hang around, cause everthing will be ok for you.......BUT if it does go the other way....please come back and let us help anyway we can, ok? :)
Flyaway
Re: New Here - Need Advice blizbth: When he gets back talk to him. Tell him what you have found out thus far and let him explain. Until you are 100% sure he cheated, never ever accuse. That just puts them more defensive. I hope that there is nothing wrong, but if there is, you have come to the right place.
Re: New Here - Need Advice jashton79: I want to thank you all for the wonderful advice. He has been a very attentive and loving husband to date, and that's why this current behaviour is such a shock - total out of character for him. In my last text message to him I told him that I was willing to him him the space, however I didn't want to play games with him. I asked him if he would be willing to set up a time to talk to me, but never received a response from him. It's now been over two weeks since I've heard from him. The wait is driving me crazy, I know it's just a few more days but I'm a nervous wreck. Not knowing what to expect when he comes home worries me, will he be appologetic for the things that he's done? Will he be angry? Will he continue to shut me out? I can't fix things by myself... I just want to know one way or another whether he wants out or wants to be with me.
I'll keep you posted...
Thanks,
Jamie
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