Someone HELP!!! MJ28: I don't want to spend the next 10 years falling for my husband's lines about how he really loves me and just says things out of anger, and then when he's in a bad mood, takes it out on me saying the most vile, viscious things again. I habve no problem getting angry- what I need to know is how to stay angry the next day when I start missing him again. Why would I almost rather deal with his cruelty than be lonely (truth is, I'm lonely even when I am with him). Any ideas?
Re: Someone HELP!!! sheydp: Staying angry isn't the only way to stay away... Sometimes being sad is, and letting yourself be sad. Remember what he said, realize it will be said again... Imagine him saying it to your child, to your mother, to your other loved ones - would you want him around them? Would you risk him saying it to them? Then why allow him to say it to you?
He needs help to deal with and express anger and frustration. Has he gone to a counselor? Perhaps if you lay down the law for him (and yourself) by saying unless he gets professional help you won't be around. Then instead of using willpower to remember not to step back into abuse, you can use that rule... "He hasn't gone to counseling, he can't care enough to get help, I can't be there" In fact, when you miss him so much you can remember you are making that rule for HIS good - he can't feel good about himself when that stuff is coming out of his mouth! If you love him, help him see that this behavior is unacceptable. Help him get better with your strength - the strength that lets you walk away and stay away until he sees how serious it is and fixes it. If he WON'T get help - he can't be there for you!
Shey
Re: Someone HELP!!! MJ28: Shey,
He has said it to my child- the reason I left, and I am certain he'd have no problem saying it to my family. It's been 7 mos. since i left and it just doesn't seem to get easier. thanks for your advice, I do appreciate it.
Re: Someone HELP!!! sheydp: 7 months! Wow - that is different... and you still have every day missing him problems? Or is it that you miss what you WANTED with him... a partner, a person to share your life with?
Shey
Re: Someone HELP!!! MJ28: Shey- I'm sure you're right. I do miss what I wanted him to be, what I thought he was. I gave up all of my friends because he hated everyone in my life(jealousy maybe), and I really miss having a friend- someone to talk to. Thanks for listening
