Re: just a bunch of crap I had to get out dragonfly: [quote author=gg link=topic=22549.msg209735#msg209735 date=1134086688">
I'm not done....please pay no mind, I'm just slowly losing mine.
You could have been good.
You could have been kind.
You could have said, it wasn't our time. We want different things from life. She wants to practice medicine in third world countries, plant rose gardens, raise kids. I want to be the international man of mystery, get drunk and laid in third world countries and tell people I want kids if it means they might sleep with me.
You could have said, she was good and not what I'm looking for.
You could have given me some credit, something to remember besides this, something a little bit more like respect.
You could have protected me.
You could have remembered that I was your friend for so many years before this. That I was there for you when you were down or drunk or lost or maudalin, that I championed you, believed in you, trusted you.
You could have been good. Much better than this.
You could have been brave, you could have been kind.
You could have been honest.
You could have said thank you, for the time that we gave, for the work and the effort, for the honesty and the care. Thank you for giving up what you gave, I'm happy I gave up something too.
You could have done any number of things, instead you did this. You could have given more, you could have given less.
You could have been good, much better than this.
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I second all this and more...
Re: just a bunch of crap I had to get out Gabo: Oh gg. thanks for your writing. I am glad that even though this obviously sucks I feel that someone far away is thinking and feeling the same thoughts as I am.
Jeez she was such a b*tch. WHY I CAN NOT LET GO?
Re: just a bunch of crap I had to get out hardened_heart1970: GG
just one thing. dont lose weight for other peoples satisfaction. lose it for YOUR OWN satisfaction....
if a person likes you for you, he'll like all of you. wether youre a 2 or a 34. be happy with your self. if someone doesnt like you, its their loss. thats my setiments exactly.
rmember, do it for you... the rest will come............
Re: just a bunch of crap I had to get out flowersdirtandgardengirl: Goose,
I love that you replied to me...I wouldn't expect this to be a post of goose-quality goodness. ;)
You know, the weight thing....I really am beginning to hate this subject, but, I know it's something I have to deal with, so I am forcefully choosing to not hide in it.
Hearing me talk about it might make you think I ever had weight to loose. I just had the misfortune of choosing someone who can be the most insecure and shallow person I know sometimes. I said something about this to someone the other night and I feel a little bit weird posting this for anyone to read because I feel that it could very easily be misinterpreted, but here goes: I've never thought I "had" to loose weight. I've always known, deep down inside, that I have the right kind of looks, the right kind of style, the right kind of wit and charm, the right kind of brain and the right kind of body to do whatever it is women are supposed to do with those things. (God I hope that doesn't makes me sound like a vain and terrible person, that was really f-ing hard to say) But enter this guy. Who was so insecure with himself, so needing to have some super flashy relfection to look at every day so that he could forget, maybe, that he wasn't getting any younger, wasn't getting any less bald, wasn't going really anywhere with his life...you know the drill. So he used the oldest trick in the book on me and I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
So now, here I am, inscounsed (sp??) in some f-ed up war on myself, on him, on society, on god knows what. It's not about his satisfaction anymore, it never was. If it had been I would have stopped eating for him because I would have been the kind of person who did that sort of thing. But instead I refused. I said, "f-off. This is who I am and it's pretty f-ing incredible, you know. It's pretty f-ing hot and if you think for a second you are going to get me to believe you might leave me for some anorexic, think again, because I might leave you for someone who knows I'm beautiful". Actual conversation, by the way.
So why now? Why am I wasting away now? For revenge? For what? I have no idea. But I know it's something I need to look at, I'm really trying to not ignore it.
~gg
Re: just a bunch of crap I had to get out sheydp: Don't ignore it - it is significant. Nor should you feel vain for admitting your strengths.. particularly since they are strengths you were GIVEN, not stuff you earned on your own - it is like bragging because you have a cool name! lol! You were given it - to not acknowledge it would be a lie. Now... why are you wasting away? And can I offer you some yummy nutritious and fattening food?
Shey
PS. To add calories - try some Carnation Instant Breakfast Drink
