Re: So glad I found OJAR... PickingUpThePieces: Well I suppose I would just suggest then to be very firm with your boundaries with him. It sounds as though he knows he can break them - calling after a few weeks, trying to get you to renegotiate your divorce settlement. Don't respond to his text messages or emails and don't play into his attempts to make you feel guilty. I guess what I'm getting at is to tell him to stop, instead of ask him.
Re: So glad I found OJAR... dragonfly: The thing is you're right...I know it's up to me to keep up the NO CONTACT, but sometimes its just so dag on hard to not respond. Especially if he catches me at my weak moments when I'm missing him or the way things use to be.
Then I get mad at myself for giving in because I know it only makes matters worse.
Each time I get better and better at holding out and staying strong. It just sucks that I still miss him, or at least the him I married (thought he was).
Re: So glad I found OJAR... PickingUpThePieces: Oh yes I know. I'm better at giving advice than taking it. :o :)
Re: So glad I found OJAR... barelybreathing: Yeah, got those test messages and calls and emails too.
I "think" they mean what they say in their warped world. They are just too far down the beaten path to do anything about it. And I do think that they don't have malicious intent by reaching out. More like a desperate cry of regret. But again, nothing they plan to do about it.
It is so hard to not respond. You see this side of them that is so familiar and what they use to stand for and represent. You want to latch onto it and hang on for dear life. But they fade away, back into their "new" world.
The no contact thing IS best. Remind yourself of this always, actions are everything. Text messages, emails and phone messages amount to nothing.
BB
Re: So glad I found OJAR... BlackAndBlue: Dragonfly-
First off - Welcome!!!!!!
It is amazing how our stories are so similar. I found this place about a month or so after my husband was forced to confess. I tried therapy and did not feel comfortable. I felt like I was covering up my true feelings. Everyone here is so welcoming. And it doesn't hurt to know that I am not crazy for what I am going through. I have found such comfort by just reading posts and hearing others' stories. It makes me feel normal. In my everyday world, I feel people are tired of listening and they just want me to get on with my life. Coming here, I don't have to put on a smiling face. I can be my lonely, hurt, betrayed, confused, tired, very tired self here. I am so thankful that I found OJAR!!!
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