Marriage and affairs.... kaya26: Just a question to all those who have been cheated on.......
Does their come a time when you start saying that your marriage ended because the two of just were just not meant to be and not because of the affair? Something I have been struggling with... ???
Re: Marriage and affairs.... RSGinATX: [quote author=kaya26 link=topic=22568.msg209844#msg209844 date=1134147518">
Just a question to all those who have been cheated on.......
Does their come a time when you start saying that your marriage ended because the two of just were just not meant to be and not because of the affair? Something I have been struggling with... ???
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I'd say it depends on what went on prior to the cheating. If there were problems that never got resolved then you may come to see that as the beginning of the end. However, the cheating will never stop being a factor. There's no excuse for cheating..either work things out or leave.
My marriage is irreconcilable because my stbw physically cheated on me in the end, however my marriage was emotionally over long before that. I recognize those problems as what lead to the end of my marriage, but the cheating has definately affected why things are the way they are. The cheating has caused me to cast off my love and see her in a very different light...so when I think of my marriage, that will always be there.
Re: Marriage and affairs.... Falcon554: [quote author=kaya26 link=topic=22568.msg209844#msg209844 date=1134147518">
Just a question to all those who have been cheated on.......
Does their come a time when you start saying that your marriage ended because the two of just were just not meant to be and not because of the affair? Something I have been struggling with... ???
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For me no, i understood why the affair took place, my stupidity. Now she has to deal with the guilt she will feel for the rest of her life.
Re: Marriage and affairs.... dragonfly: For me...it depends on the day.
The affair was and is a huge factor. Our problems were not long lived and deep seeded...his were apparently. He stopped communicating with me a few months prior to the affair and unless he let me in, there was no way I could know what was truly bothering him and making him unhappy. He chose to open up to the OW and that intimacy led to the affair which got her pregnant, which led to him having to confess and ME ending the marriage. I did try to hold on, work things out, but all he kept saying was that it was a sign, it was God's way of telling him he had made the right decision to be with her and not me. If he loved me the way he should, he wouldn't have had the the affair and she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. So they were meant to be and we weren't.
As much blame as I take on myself for things...I know that in my heart, had he communicated with me, opened up and let me in, we probably could have worked things out...we'd been together 12 years and we had our issues and arguments, but nothing marriage ending.
The affair and his handling of it made reconciliation nearly impossible. Not to mention his belief that "it was meant to be".
Re: Marriage and affairs.... Lumpy: [quote author=dragonfly link=topic=22568.msg209862#msg209862 date=1134150272">
I did try to hold on, work things out, but all he kept saying was that it was a sign, it was God's way of telling him he had made the right decision to be with her and not me. If he loved me the way he should, he wouldn't have had the the affair and she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. So they were meant to be and we weren't.
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That a new one on me. It's gods' fault! God wanted me to break my marriage vows and lie and cheat. I'm sorry Dragonfly. That has got to be the lamest excuse I've ever heard...
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