Re: Marriage and affairs.... BlackAndBlue: My marriage was fine. We had our issues, of course, who doesn't? I went away for 6 weeks to train for a new job and when I returned I noticed he was distancing himself from me. About a month after, I found out he was "emotionally" cheating on me with one of my best friends. I confronted him, he denied it. I told him that I saw them together (even though I really didn't) and then he confessed. He said that he was trying to figure things out. He realized that he never loved me, and now he truly knows what love is. Together for 15 years and he now figures out what love is...bullsh*#! He did not even want to try to work things out. He moved out and is currently deeply involved in a new relationship.
The affair is the reason for our divorce. I believe we would be fine right now if he would have been honest with me about what he was feeling. He has a substance abuse problem. I recognized it, he didn't and still doesn't. His girlfriend does not have a clue about it. I guess I got on his case about it too much. My therapist says that the affair is part of the substance abuse problem. I make him feel uncomfortable about it, she doesn't. In the end, this will be the best thing for both of us. I love him and I worry about his well-being everyday. And Ihurt so deeply still. There is no turning back after this. I have supported him for almost 5 years through his addiction.... I can't do it anymore, not after the affair. Someday he will wake up from the cloudy dream he is living in and wonder why he made the decisions he has....hopefully.
Re: Marriage and affairs.... PickingUpThePieces: There were several issues that went on prior to my stbx's cheating. All of them I was willing to work on and go to counseling for, and in the end, he verbally and physically showed he wasn't. The cheating, and lying which accompanied it, eroded my trust to the point where I also agreed with him that the marriage shouldn't continue (even though he later tried to reconcile, for me, it was too late).
Re: Marriage and affairs.... dragonfly: Hi Lumpy, you're absolutely right...that was the lamest excuse I ever got out of him. I saw him falling into a depression, and he started drinking excessively, but he wouldn't talk to me. Just shut down and shut me out.
Black & Blue, it's funny how similar some situations can be. When my X finally started to open up to me, he said he was lost, didn't know who he was or what he wanted out of life, just knew it wasn't what he had. Because what he had wasn't making him happy. He needed to figure things out, and the OW was the only person he could talk to that understood and wouldn't advise him to work on the marriage and stay with me if that wasn't what was in his best interest. Later he explained that he loved me but wasn't IN love with me and he found true love with her. He once said that he just needed to find himself...I was so angry during that converstation I asked him if he thought he was going to find himself somewhere in between her legs. ::)
Had he stepped back, stopped turning to her, and tried even once, we might have been able to save our marriage and build a stronger better one. But he refused.
Re: Marriage and affairs.... PickingUpThePieces: [quote author=dragonfly link=topic=22568.msg209894#msg209894 date=1134160528">
...I was so angry during that converstation I asked him if he thought he was going to find himself somewhere in between her legs. ::)
[/quote">
Omg I almost spit out my soda. ;D
My stbx too also told me he was lost and didn't know what his identity was and that he didn't belong or fit in anywhere. Turns out that was his way of making me feel pity for him in his pathetic attempt to win me back after his 6 day relationship with his ex-girlfriend didn't work out.
Re: Marriage and affairs.... somechick: NOPE! He caused it, he continued to do it, still does.
HIS FAULT! Not mine.........as far as I knew things were fine between us.
Lots of contact in the bedroom as always...etc. etc.
Seems he was leading a double life.
So in answer to your question, nope his fault.
Funny too because he says I threw the marriage away. To which I reply.
That's fine, blame me............when people ask what happend?? Why we split. You can tell them your wife couldn't get over the fact that you screwed around with another for almost 2 years so she "threw" the marriage away........ Idiot did so when I went to work......when I went to sleep.....he even had the gall to bring her in my house..........I was heading out one night and found out after the fact she was parked on the street and had to duck down when I drove by.
NO NO NO NONONONONO............He's taking the blame for this one.
Oh....and he's still seeing her but that's cause I wasn't willing to.......in his words "get over it"
Click More for the next page.
