My story Dont-want-one: Hello all,
I have been married for 11 years. My wife wants a divorce. The reason she quotes is that she is unhappy, not neccessarily with me, but she is not sure why. She says she thinks it is lack of freedom, but can't elaborate much more than that. I have tried to convince her to stay and she says she still loves me but refuses to. We went through the same thing a couple months ago and she agreed to stay. I told her that if she ever felt that way again, I wanted her to see a councelor before making any decisions.... she said she would..... she did not see a councelor before making the decision this time. That kind of hurt..... she made a promise to me and broke it... I found it to be a slap in the face, but I am over the major anger of the broken promise.
The problems I have are:
1. I still love her very much and would like to talk her out of it, but I think it is futile.
2. She still wants to be friends after this is over. My response is that if she is just going to throw me away, unsure if freedom is the happiness she is looking for, I am unsure how this makes me feel. I don't want to be friends after this is over. I could not stand to see her in the future, dating or possibly marrying someone else. It would hurt too much.
3. I also do not want to do a trial separation. If she found during the separation that she wants to move forward with the divorce, I don't think I can go through all of these feelings all over again.
So am I crazy? Do I owe a person throwing me away for something she is unsure of anything at all?
Any advice would be helpful.
Re: My story Falcon554: How old is she? Maybe mid life crisis thing. If it is, get ready for the ride of your life if you still love her.
Re: My story ChiefWiggum: If you think she really has made up her mind, I suggest something very hard to do: just let her go and stop communicating with her. If she is making a bad decision, she will know/feel it within a month. But all bets are off if you contact her.
You must let her see what life is like without you. No phone calls, no paying bills, no mowing the lawn -- you have to take it all away from her. People here call it "no contact."
I think more than half of us here have heard what your wife said and it was due an affair, so be on the lookout.
Good luck,
CW
Re: My story manda: I have been going through the EXACT type of thing for several months now. (Also married for a long long time.) I was crushed at first and tried to fight it... Then I was more than crushed, I became desperate, and then I got MAD. Now I am past a lot of the tumoil and am now in a strange state. It is like confusion with apathy mixed in. I don't know what will happen, but I do know NOW that I will make it regardless. It is a good feeling, albeit somewhat scary not knowing my future. I don't even know what to HAVE dreams about right now. Should I want a new life? Or should I want the old one to work better? And I'm back at total apathy about it all. So I am taking a break from some of the feelings and going to try to enjoy the holidays.
I have no advice for you, just some thoughts that may help you. I found that knowing that others had been in my place and gotten through it helped a lot.
Also, I will say this too. My husband said a lot of the same things then. Having had some time away, he has changed a lot of his thoughts, but he didn't expect me to change mine and now acts surprised. This may or may not happen to you.
How new is this? Has she moved out?
Good luck. OJAR is a great place for you to be right now. It helps!
Re: My story hurtnlost: understand where you are coming from. My husband decided one day after being together for 10 years that he was done and wanted a divorce! You did not mention if you have kids or not? It is very hard to imagine for me as well as it is for you them moving on and being with someone else. I struggle with that everyday. However; the way I have been looking at it is as much as I love my husband and always will I would never want someone to be with me if they were truly unhappy b/c in the end it would only make me unhappy. Love should not be something that makes you feel the other one is not in it 100%, either they are or they are not. Maybe after she gets out she will see that being free is not all that but then if she does it is better for you to know so you can move on and you do not have to wonder when the next time it will be when she decides it is time for a change again.
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