This really wasn't the karma I was asking for flowersdirtandgardengirl: Yesterday I found out that my ex had been sent to Stanford Hospital. Apparently he had been having what he thought were migraines and vision loss and finally conceeded to going to the Dr (rather unusual for him).
From what I understand they sent him up to Stanford immediately, thinking that he had suffered a stroke. They told him they didn't think he would regain any of the vision he had lost in his left eye (which I think is close to a complete loss).
At this time I guess they don't know if the initial event was a stroke, infectious or injury--there was a great deal of blood vessel damage and nerve damage to his left eye and the results to the cat scans, MRIs haven't been read yet. But the bottom line is that much of the nerve tissue to his left eye has been damaged and they are reluctant to give a good prognostic that it will return.
He is 28 years old. The picture of health in so many ways. So physically active, a voracious reader, writer, sailor, adventurer. I know I've wished him bodily harm over and over again these past few weeks. There were times when I was so angry at him I wanted to tear him limb from limb. I know I said I only wanted good things to happen to him but secretly hoped he'd have a bout of uncontrollable and explosive diarrhea while out on a date. But I never really wanted something so permanently terrible as possibly losing complete vision in one of his eyes.
I know that there is nothing I can do, that being out of his life means that I cannot step in and try to undo the sad and terrible things that life may bring him. I know that he might be okay, or he might not, and that I will only be able to watch from my distance. But I still cannot fathom the consequence of this, that it even happened at all. A stroke?
And I cannot help myself from feeling so sad at his prodigal life, because this was not a loss I would have ever wished on him.
:-[
~gg
Re: This really wasn't the karma I was asking for superwife: Wow. That is really terrible. I'm sure that's not the 'bad luck' you wished on him. I guess I wouldn't wish that on my ex either. Maybe a broken leg or something (definately a broken heart), lol.
Don't feel guilty about this. The best you can do now is be supportive. Express your concerns for his well-being (if you are on speaking terms), but don't you dare let him think your evil thoughts had anything to do with this.
Re: This really wasn't the karma I was asking for flowersdirtandgardengirl: [quote author=superwife link=topic=22591.msg210051#msg210051 date=1134244543">
Don't feel guilty about this. The best you can do now is be supportive. Express your concerns for his well-being (if you are on speaking terms), but don't you dare let him think your evil thoughts had anything to do with this.
[/quote">
lol, if I had such powers as to make the terrible things happen to people that sometimes cross my mind I would need to be locked up! ;)
I wrote him an email, the first real contact I've initiated with him in three months, save things like: I need the microwave back, can you drop off my cat, etc in the first few weeks. It was scary and hard and I wonder now if I should have done it. But the reality is, is that no matter where we are in life, I don't think I could ever hear of him being hurt or sick and not want to take it away for him, not want to undo these hardships in life. Anger or no.
And I know that this is for him to take on, for him to get through. But it makes me so sad that he has to.
~gg
Re: This really wasn't the karma I was asking for Whirlpool: gg,
I am sorry this happened to him, but make sure you keep things in perspective. Remember our spouses really don't care about us, if this happened to you I doubt he would be so affected by it. It is ok to sympathize with him, but keep it under control! It is certainly not your fault.
