Re: Advice please!! hurtnlost: [quote author=Whirlpool link=topic=22593.msg210136#msg210136 date=1134267980">
Has your lawyer not talked to you about this stuff? The questions you are asking should easily be answered by a lawyer. Personally I would only settle for what you know you need, anyless less let a judge decide. At least you want to be fair which is great. But be fair to yourself and children FIRST! He made his choice, reap what you sow as they say. If you need $100 a month from him to get by, do not settle for less than that, if you need $1000 a month do not settle for less than that. If you need $10,000 a month do not settle for less than that! I think you got it by now:)
Now if your attorney is not telling these things you might need to find a new one! Good luck.
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whirlpool - My lawyer has worked with me well on all offers I have been presented and I would agree with some things my husband was offering but when we put in what some of things were I wanted like alimony he refuses! The thing is the first week I we signed papers the child custody was done - he signed them over to me and he gets them every other weekend. I assume he knew that is the way it would be anyway and he did not fight me for that which I am grateful. He does threaten me with taking them away from me and does that when he sees some things are not going his way. I had agreed with holidays with the children and so on but right before he told me he wanted a divorce he refinanced our house, jacked the house paymt way up and payed any bills with his name on them. It left me with a few bills which he said he will pay for out of the top proceeds of the house which means I would be paying for it too. I wanted the house but was told I would probably not get it b/c I could not afford it and either could he so I agreed to sell it, which I hate. I go to my lawyer tomorrow as we are getting ready for my hearing but my lawyer sent his lawyer a letter telling her to tell him to quit threatening me and that all attempts at settling are fruitless b/c he keeps adding more in and not agreeing to anything I want. I have his children that I will be taking care of and he is trying to make sure he pays nothing but child support. I will let everyone know how everything will go. Thanks for advice. I am going to try to go after alimony. All I am asking for is $600 and he said no b/c it will leave him with nothing. I guess we will see, he left me devastated and that does not matter to him.
Re: Advice please!! hurtnlost: bbygrl - You are right that is what hurts the most, the pain of seeing how he does not care. I am having to live with him through this whole thing too cause he has not left yet. I just find it so hard for him to act like this and not care when we have 2 children together but I guess alot of people are going through the same thing. Thanks for your advice!
dd - I am going to go after everything I can. I do not know why I try to protect him financially b/c he does no longer want to be with me. However; I am going to go after alimony, pay off on car, 401 K and more. He is saying it is my fault for us not going to settlement and our first hearing be our last but when I have been hastily agreeing he is not budging on his side so why should I. My friends have told me I am way to soft and I need to harden up but I am trying and this week will be the tell all for me. Thanks for your advice!
Re: Advice please!! 4sarah: I was way to soft with my X and so I accepted 400 less a month than I should get. Now I wish I didn't. Staying at home with kids and supporting him and his career is a job to. So I say go for full child support, half of all medical/dental and out of pocket expenses, half of day care, alimony, half 401k etc... and everything else. Who cares if he wants to give it or not and don't accept less you will just regret it later. I thought my X would change and be nice if I was but thats not how it works. Its more like give and inch and they'll take a mile. Just be strong and know you'll make it through and tommorow is another day.
Good Luck
OHH another little piece of advise I got from my lawyer is to keep a journal of everything because written is much more accurate and accepted in courts etc.... I've never had to use is but I have all the times he didn't show up to pick up the kids or all the days he didn't pay support and why etc.. you get the idea
Re: Advice please!! LostTeacher: he kept a lot, because i didn't fight.
i fought for a few little things, but he kept most things, like the house (he gave me a little $$ but not enough for really anything), most of our furniture, our appliances, even our dog.
part of it was because i thought this really wasn't happening. i was in a bit of denial.
then, it was a matter of money. it would have just cost me too damn much to fight for every little damn thing.
so i took the things i needed to get started in an apartment, my family and friends gave me stuff, and that is it. now, i am saving to try to buy my own place next year in the late spring/early summer.
it's a bit of a piss off, but it's really something you need to decide. how hard do you want to fight? how much are you willing to spend on that fight?
if i were to do it again, i never would have let him keep the house, no matter how much it would have cost me. he sure didn't deserve it....as most of the money that went into it was mine......but you have to choose your battles.
LT
