Re: Advice please!! ohill: Hurtnlost,
My property settlement talks took all of five minutes. I let my wife know what she was entitled to (and I was honest), and that she could have all of that, no questions asked. I wasn't interested in spending $200 on legal fees to fight over a $100 chair. By offering generosity and being honest, I ended up better off than if a huge fight had occurred...
I did hire an attorney, and although it was not inexpensive, it was worth it. If your STBX is making threats, trying to push different deals off on you, etc...it can all become very confusing. Trying to strike a deal on your own is a bad idea because you're in an emotionally charged environment and you are trying to do what's best without really knowing what you are entitled to. An attorney can tell you exactly what the law allows and exactly what is best to fight for vs. what is best to just let go. Additionally, if your husband knows that you have legal representation, he is far less likely to "pull the wool" over your eyes.
I would also recommend an attorney who is tough but fair. Some attorneys specialize in minimizing damage to both parties (and the children), while others specialize in making people's lives a living hell. I would definitely recommend the former.
Re: Advice please!! hurtnlost: bbygrl- I do believe that him telling me hurtful things is just to be hurtful to me and I am hoping in the long run that he will see that he made a mistake. I have looked at him with tears running down my face and made him look at me and asked him if it felt good to see me this hurt? His response was no it does not feel good but it is what it is and he does not hurt. It all hurts for him to act like me having his 2 kids meant nothing now that he is ready to move on and be free of responsibilities. I just do not get it. My husband will find out this week that my lawyer has decided we reject all offers since he does not want to meet us on anything but wants me to only agree to what he wants. I am just wondering is it better to take the offer now or let a judge decide? I wonder if I would come out better somehow. . ? The thing for me is not taking his money but making sure the kids and I are ok until I get on my feet and another factor for me is that he has a home that he inherited to go to and pull money from but the kids and I are losing our home. I feel like I deserve alimony which he does not want to give at all which is keeping us from coming to a final agreement. My first hearing is on the 19th.
Re: Advice please!! Whirlpool: Has your lawyer not talked to you about this stuff? The questions you are asking should easily be answered by a lawyer. Personally I would only settle for what you know you need, anyless less let a judge decide. At least you want to be fair which is great. But be fair to yourself and children FIRST! He made his choice, reap what you sow as they say. If you need $100 a month from him to get by, do not settle for less than that, if you need $1000 a month do not settle for less than that. If you need $10,000 a month do not settle for less than that! I think you got it by now:)
Now if your attorney is not telling these things you might need to find a new one! Good luck.
Re: Advice please!! bbygrl: It sounds to me like the pain of him being so hard and uncaring to you is what is really hurting you now...I totally get that!!
Please do not settle if the settlement is not fair, and it does not sound like it is. I am the same type of person, and for awhile wasn't going to fight for anything( I thought the stress of it was to much to handle). But look at your children and ask yourself, is the settlement fair to them? The legal situation will not go on forever and you will be better off if you take care of yourself and kids finacially. Take care :)
Re: Advice please!! dd: Of course it is going to be a terrible battle, he is trying to get away without any responsiblity of his actions.
GO FOR IT!!!!!!!
Because you have two children, you should retain the home so that your children will be able to live in the way they are accustomed to living. He should fork over half the payment of the home until the children are 18 or done with their college education.
The alimony should go with the payment for the home and he should also pay child support. Don't you dare let him get away with anything because he is making threats. Why does a woman always back away when a man makes a threat, Kick him where it hurts - in his bank account and pockets.
Get the house, car, alimony, child support, half of his pension, if he owns his own business - half the gross worth of his business, if he owns land - when he sells it you should get half, 401-K, 403-B, IRA's, stocks, investments, you name it you go for it. This is real and I have seen it done with my own eyes.
Make sure you have a tape recorder with you at all times to record his lovely threats, to protect yourself and your children. He is going to come after you for it later, then take IT ALL NOW! Invest it use it wisely because once that dollar is spent it is too difficult to get it back.
Practice in front of a mirror, have a friend help you.
He is using Agressive tactics to force you to be submissive so that he wins all and you and your children lose, therefore it is a Win for him and a Lose for you.
With a real Lawyer you Win and he Loses!
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