Re: This site has been a huge help ChiefWiggum: kev,
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. If I were in your shoes I would not want to be friends with her. Uhg.
Re: This site has been a huge help C-Note: Well Kev I gotta hand it to you. I admire your spirit. When my Ex left I was consumed by my emotions, feelings and pain for a long time. Over the years hate faded and I've waded through just about every kind of feeling one could ever have towards another. Moving on is the only choice. Some walk it while other like myself spend a great deal of time crawling before we can get back on our feet.
Re: This site has been a huge help kev: Well chief, thats the thing. at first, i didn't think that i wanted to stay friends with her. there were so many emotions clouding my thinking. i wanted to hate her, i wanted to just slap some sense into her.
but when i finally got my senses about me, i decided to forgive. i loved her unconditionally, and yes, she hurt me and made me feel pain like i never knew. i was physically sick for weeks. but forgiving her actually made me feel better. then i could step back and just let her be her own person, make her own mistakes, and she will have to live with them. I love her as a person, i love her as a mother, and i love her spirit. definitely not in love with her anymore though. but like i said in an earlier post, life is too short to be bitter, hold hate in my heart, and dwell on the negative.
I found out alot about myself during all of this. i found out alot about her as well. but when i get up in the morning now, i don't think POOR ME, or how life is going to go on...i realize life is going to go on and you have to live it. i may get hurt in the future, hell, i may even hurt someone...but it is all part of life.
Life is good, and it is too short to dwell on the negative things that have happened to us. for all the negative, there is also good. :-)
Re: This site has been a huge help barelybreathing: I am so very sorry. I know the hurt is immense and something you struggle with daily, even if you have put it all in its proper context.
What a fool she is. And your friends, geesh. Unbelievable huh, how no one will speak up and say a damn thing?
Remember, her affair, her betrayal, are issues with her. Not you!
Don't let the adultery define you or be your burden to bare. If you have to let it define you, then let it redefine you in such a way that you are wiser, more in tuned with your emotions, more spiritual, more in-depth with yourself and who you are.
Again, I am so sorry that adultery had to touch your world. From one victim of adultery to another, it is going to be a life long journey for you. Everyday, you will evolve as a result of it and the distance you put yourself between it will amaze you. Your boundaries will never be crossed like that again, for your eyes are wide open.
BB
Re: This site has been a huge help ohill: Kev,
Welcome. Thanks for telling your story. It sounds like you are doing about as well as can be expected.
Your epiphany after three weeks that "You are only doing this to yourself" is a healthy one to have. It is true that there are lots of things around us that will happen with or without us. The only thing we can do is choose how we react to those things happening. Your situation hit hard (and it should have), but your decision to rise above it was a good one.
You mentioned in your original post that you were great friends and should have left it at that. It sounds a bit like you are letting your STBX off the hook. The truth is that she committed her life to you and you alone, and she broke that commitment. So, rather than look at it as a mistake for being more than friends, consider looking at it as a mistake on her part for throwing away her marriage to you by being unfaithful. Just a thought.
Thanks again for posting.
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