back because I hate him at the moment! PiscesGoddess: >:( Urrgg.. Im so tired of his obstinate ass and his threats! The story right now is that my daughter had to go back into the psych ward for trying to beat the crap out of me and her little brother..they kept her for 3 days! Well the husband says.. SHE IS UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES COMING BACK INTO MY HOUSE! and I ORDERED YOU TO NOT GO SEE HER! Well..like I listened to that bull crap! I made arrangements with the ex MIL from hell for Emma to go live with her.. I dont wanna..but it is true that she's a danger ..but HE makes it sound like she's Hitler. So I go to the hospital to talk with the social worker who talks to ex MIL who says..He's kicking her out 4 days b4 Xmas?? And I call him and say hey can she stay at least thru Xmas? And he says no way in HELL! I say..you are cruel.and he says well I guess we dont belong together then..and I tell him Im taking the kids and leaving. Cut toooo....
Me coming home and we just stare at each other with hate in our eyes..I didnt cry I didnt fall apart..hell Im not sure I even felt anything..He agreed to let her be here for Xmas and then go to the ex MIL from hell. And I tell him I need to know if I give my child up..Do I get some shred of hope from you that this marriage is staying together? And he says.. I DONT KNOW..and of course we have the verbal foreplay back and forth..he says if I try to take our son his parents and he will make my life a living hell because of my suicide attempt.. (he has stopped using drugs..in case this happens so I wont have anything to use against him) I looked him square in the eye and said..I am not afraid of you or your parents...let him try. but we keep doing this f*cking divorce dance..its either on or its off. He said something to me though...he said.. R- I think YOU are looking for a way out..you want out of this... and Im thinking maybe I do and just dont know how to go about it? I have allowed him to control every aspect of our lives..my bad. Im sick of dealing with him ..Im sick of dealing with the ex MIL already..and Im just sick.. >:(
Hell I dont even know what im saying ..same sh!t different day I guess..its just getting worse..cause now Im at the point..are any of you familiar with it..where I just dont care? When your past the crying and the begging and the I will do whatever you want to..Whatever..cause I cant play this game anymore??
And how do you start from the ground up?? I havent had a job in 2 years..no money of my own..not much family..friends are scattered..so what do I do?
I know ya'll dont have the answers.. I just thank you for allowing me to vent..I think Im in shock.. I cant believe I married that idiot..We are so WRONG for each other we even agreed on that the other night! So why am I still here??
Arrgg!!
Perplexed Pisces
Re: back because I hate him at the moment! WhiskeyGirl: Oh my girl :'( I'm so sorry :-\
{{{BIG HUGE HUGS}}}
My lovely goddess, if you were not with your husband, would you be sending your daughter to your MIL's? This decision needs to be made without him in the equation, don't do this just to save your marriage.
A man who truely loves you and is worth all this..would never make you choose between him and your own child.
Oh sweety, I'm so sorry, I dont know what to say
You will be okay, you'll find a job and you'll be damn fine at it! You'll get your independance back and along with it will come your self confidence.
Your a tough cookie, I promise your gonna be fine....and if your ever are not fine...well then you just get yourself a ticket to Canada and I'll fix you right up.
Love and hugs to you girl.
I'll be sending warm wishes your way over the holidays
Whiskey
Re: back because I hate him at the moment! sheydp: First off... Can you start to look for a job now? No matter what else happens, the independence you feel will make you both more comfortable. Hard as it is to leave a little one to work, it is worth it for the feeling that you can be self-reliant. Second... you already have connections with social services (hard though that road has been) have you looked into what help they can give you if you are on your own? Not just welfare, but also childcare, healthcare, etc - including job training or skill upgrading? (Not sure what training/education you have, sorry.) Just KNOWING your options, knowing you have a back-up plan, KNOWING you will be ok with or without him - will allow you to look at the whole situation more objectively. I can tell right now you feel OWNED (which is why you let him run so much of your life). Knowing you can make it on your own will help get rid of that feeling.
As for the give-up/beyond caring feeling.... I am soooo sorry. I remember being past tears a few times (although they found their way back after a bit, I am sure yours will too). It is a horrible feeling. So hopeless. ((((((HUGS))))) I know it doesn't help much... but just so you know, I am in your corner too.
Shey
Re: back because I hate him at the moment! barelybreathing: Oh PG, I am so sorry.
I know you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. How do you choose, why should you even have too? Your daughter is not well, that is for sure. But can you continue to put yourself at a physical risk either? She beat you up and your son?
To play devil's advocate some, I can understand where your husband would put his foot down. It is scary stuff. Physical violence in the home. But it is easy for him to do that b/c your daughter's blood is not flowing through his veins.
Whereas, she is your baby girl. And you ache for her to be better. To get it together for herself. But PG, there is only so much you can do and so much you can take. Tough love has to come into play at some point. You cannot have constant threats of being assaulted. And you do owe it to your son to protect him and his personal space from the same threat.
I am praying for you and I hope a solution can come about that would put everyone at ease in your home. Please try to remain objective. I know the mother cub in your wants to just keep your daughter under your paw. But look at this from all angles. It is a terrible dilemma where someone is going to hurt from whatever decision is made.
Most Tough Love advocates of teens will say, in order to take the toxic activity out of the home, you have to cut the cancer out. And unfortunately that cancer right now is your troubled daughter. She is brining toxins into your home.
God Speed PG.
BB
Re: back because I hate him at the moment! PnR: Sorry you are having suck a rough time. He sucks!
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