Re: Common theme harmonix321: [quote author=Batman link=topic=23023.msg213993#msg213993 date=1135397783">
Well, I could choose to feel angry with you for insinuating that you know how I feel toward my ex-spouse even though you don't know me at all. I might say, "Your divorce is no more intense than mine was, a**hole!"
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How do you feel towards your ex-spouse? How did you feel when she cheated on you? How long has it been since she cheated on you? How long have you been divorced?
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Or I could choose to feel pity for you because your argument seems to be that your emotions govern you rather than you govern your emotions. I could say, "You poor thing. I'm sorry that your life is so sad and that you have so many built up connections that you will be miserable for a long time."
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My point was that we as humans are a complex interplay of rationality and emotions and that neither one governs the other. I tend to believe that emotions govern us more than rationality. For instance, almost all of us want to be happy. Why? Because it feels good. Seeking that goal, even through rational means, and even through "controlling" our emotions, still means we are governed by emotionality at our core. A divorce tends to affect the very core of our emotions, and that's why I believe the emotions surrounding it are not so easily controlled. Suppressed maybe, but they cannot be simply snuffed out in an instant. I will concede that for some people perhaps, even very strong and deep emotions can be turned on and off instantly with willpower alone. I am not one of those people. Right now, I wish I was.
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Or I could choose to feel happy because you are a tough person and your tenacious attitude about marriage is a contribution to the human race! I might say, "Harmonix, you are AWESOME!!!! Thank you for reaffirming my faith in humanity!"
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I choose to feel happy at this statement.
[quote"> Or I could choose to feel eager, wondering which emotion YOU will choose as you read and/or respond to my thoughts on choosing what you feel.
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My emotions fluttered the scale and I settled on tiredness, because it's 4am. :D
This is not to say that I don't think we can choose our emotions. We can choose our emotions. I even believe we can choose who to love and choose to fall out of love. But it seems apparent to me that emotions have inertia, and the stronger the emotion, the more inertia it carries. That is, to bring the rolling King Kong-sized boulder that is spousal love to a halt, it takes a great deal of time and effort (and occasionally we need help, lest we get squashed), whereas to choose how I feel about your post is like catching a pebble.
Re: Common theme Older Guy: Havn't been on here for a while but I've been reading this with intertest.
For what its worth based on my experience....i think that you can more or less choose the way you want to "react" to an action.... however i would find it counterproductive and difficult to turn off your feelings and emotions.
The lump in my heart and the tightness in my chest was real when i went through my most dfficult periods. I became better at controlling how i reacted to things and i became easier to deal with my feelings as time went by.
But in the heat of the action you'd have to be some type of "superbeing" (i.e. Batman) to be able to walk through fire and not feel the burn.
Re: Common theme slowlearner: There is a popular school of thought that goes something like this:
No-one can make you happy, no-one can make you feel sad... no-one can make you feel anything you don't want (or choose) to feel...
I disagree. Another person can make you smile, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry. In short, they can make you happy or sad.
You can choose what you do about what they make you feel. You can, with a lot of work, change your feelings by moving your focus to another area. It's not easy and it takes time.
Right now, i'm facing several 'bad time' anniversaries as it becomes one year since my world was torn apart, and I'm feeling angry (yet again). I'll deal with it because I have to, but I know I'm in for a rough month.
One thing I won't do is pretend I'm not feeling what I feel, nor will I let myself obsess over his betrayal. It gets better, but there are still many triggers that can make me feel bad. All I can do is choose how to deal with these feelings.
Re: Common theme Trying2Hope: I used to think that people made me happy, and I used to be at the mercy of my emotions. I swear, if anyone played the victim, it was me.
Now, though, I realize that depending on my situation, I can choose my focus and therefore my emotions.
Even if you were to believe that people "make" you happy or sad, you are only that way when you focus on that person. Therefore, if you choose to focus on something (or someone) else, you can feel any way you choose!
I find that people who aren't able to feel how they choose (myself included, before I came to my senses) find themselves sad most of the time.
Maybe I've just been given a gift, this realization that I am responsible for my own emotions.
Imagine how much better you could feel, though, if you could somehow realize the same thing ...
