please help me mikelr11: me and my wife (soon to be ex) have been married for 10 years. We got married in our early twenties and have essentially grown up together. when we got married, we had nothing financially. she has a college degree and i graduated from tech school. I have worked day and night to build a successful busines so that I could give her everything in life that I have always felt she deserved. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer in may 2005, and she started going to bars after visiting her in the hospital on a daily basis. Needless to say, she met a drunk at the bars and started having an affair. I still cant get the picture of her kissing this guy out of my head (i snuck up on them and caught them outside of a bar-thats how I found out) she claims there was nothing physical between them until her mother died. I probably did not pay enough attention to her over the years, but I always felt she was my soul mate and that we would be together forever. She denies she has a drinking problem and claims to have stopped seeing the om. Weve been trying to work on our marriage, but i just dont trust her any more, and she gets mad because i call her every couple hours on her cell phone to check up on her to make sure shes not doing anything wrong-and i get mad at her if she doesnt answer her phone-and then in my mind i suspect shes with him even though i dont think she is. now she is moving out and wants a divorce and i am devistated. i may have not always been the greatest husband to her, but i always loved her deeply. i cry myself to sleep every night and dont think i could ever love another person as long as i live. what should i do? please help me. she saw a therapist once and all the therapist told her was that she needs to forgive herself.
Re: please help me Dio: Hmmm...
That reminds me of what happened to my brother in law. Except that is was more paranoia on his part. His wife went and talked to her ex-boyfriend without telling him (he was very jelous and she was afraid he would be angry) because the EX was getting off cocaine. She lied to him about it though. (Bad move on her part)
He found out that she lied and he put a heavy leash on her. He called her contantly and was extremely controlling. Wouldn't let her touch their money, made her isolate herself from her friends. Wouldn't even let her see her family unless he went with her.
It was BS and he eventually got burnt by it. She left him. After he calmed down, he realized what he had been doing and learned from it. The got back together and he doesn't bully her and control her anymore. They seem to be very happy now.
I believe that there is hope for you, but only if you can forgive her and let it go. You need to trust her again. Without trust, what good is a marriage?
If you can forgive her and trust her again, you may be able to move forward. If you cannot do this, then you will always poison your relationship. You have to make a descision.
Re: please help me ajw: I'm sure your wife still loves you,she is making decisions out of anger at the moment.She does want to try again,but having a life sentence of you throwing her mistakes in her face makes that impossible.
You need to get some therapy to work thru this jealousy,if you dont do that,you will carry it into every relationship you have with a woman from now on......you could date a nun,and you'd think she was cheating on you.
You need to show your wife that you do trust her and that you can be that person she can lean on instead of climbing into a liqour bottle.
good luck
Andy
Re: please help me Dio: Yeah... listen to what he said. I'm not in the best emotional state right now myself.
I really meant to say what ANDY said, but looking back, it comes off badly.
I feel for you tho, man.
Re: please help me Jesy Ransier: I can so understand your story it is a lot like mine, I feel like the dark room I am trapped in will keep me forever. I don't know if it helps, but there's another guy in Washington St. crying himself to sleep every night as well. Your story kind of helped me to know I am not a lone, a feeling I deeply had until finding this site. I find it hard myself, and I am still seeking answers. Hopefully we will both come out the better for it I wish you much luck. J.
