How do I break my news? prollynot: This is an issue that has been troubling me for a while.
My STBXH and I split up two months ago, and are fairly certain this cannot be resolved (short of a miracle).
But I haven't told a soul at work.
It's a fairly new job, only 6 months old, no one had even met my partner yet... because things were not good between us throughout my entire employment.
But as a relative newlywed I had been asked to relay wedding stories, share photos, engagement tales... the works. Also... being a young bride, I had been cornered into explaining our choice....
So now... to turn around and say, 'You know that husband I told you about but you hadn't met yet.... well let's not bother'... it seems scary.
I have sat through others asking me how my 'husband's thanksgiving away from home was (we live in Oz). I don't know... he spent it alone so far as i know... but i didn't tell them that.
I made an excuse as to why he couldn't come to my christmas party... and then feeling anxious about the whole event, I myself came down with a last minute "bug"....
I don't want to lie, because I'd like to make real friendships at work and not hide half myself...
But I don't want to admit this either. I am ashamed, I am afraid of being judged.
Aside from the emotional problems this creates, I am battling also with the sheer logistics of it. Do I make a point of sitting down with my boss for example and explaining, or simply mention it next time someone asks me about him.
Please help.
Re: How do I break my news? minneapolis: I wasn't in the exact same situation as you are (I'd been at my job for nearly 2 years, everyone had met my now ex, I'd been married for 5 years). I also had some pretty close friends at work. It was one of my friends from work who received my middle-of-the-night hysterical phone call the night my ex walked out. So for me telling some people was just like telling my friends.
My boss had apparently asked one of my co-workers if I was okay. Apparently the act I was putting on wasn't as good as I thought it was. Even though this co-worker knew, he said that he thought I was fine. But then he told me that the boss was worried. So one afternoon I asked him if I could talk to him. He shut the door and I just said something like, "It's not really any of your business, but I'm afraid that this might affect things at work and you're going to have to find out anyway b/c I'll be changing my name and needing my own benefits but my husband left and it's hard but I'm okay and now you know." He was very supportive. Told me to take all the time I needed. Offered me time off but I found it was easier to be at work with the distraction of reports and data, etc.
Other co-workers I told individually after that. Just said, "I'm just telling you this so that you don't hear it through the grapevine and wonder what's going on. But here's the truth and I'm okay."
People won't know what to say, so be ready for that and they might be uncomfortable. So make it short and sweet.
Though there was one woman in the office who I really could not stand and I never told her. I'm sure she figured it out when I sent around an email saying my name had changed....
But don't feel like you have to say anything until you're ready.
Other people I know tell one person in the office and ask them to pass it on to everyone else. This might be easier for you since you're new in your job.
good luck!
