Taking a deep breath...I can do this. Can't I? manda: Oh, I am getting a panic feeling coming on. I have been strong lately, and saying, "it will be like any other day(s). You can do it alone."
Background: Husband moved out in October but really wanted to in August but I convinced him to wait until construction was complete on basement room... said he needed to work on some personal things, wasn't sure where we would end up in it all...At the beginning of December said he wanted to come home after I said that I was getting better and accepting things...now says he isn't sure. I'm not sure either so I can't even complain, huh?
NOW...TODAY: I am freaking. The plans are that he takes son to his dad's on Christmas eve (about two hours) and then to his mom's on Christmas day (about 3-4 hours)...other than that, son and I will be alone. We'll see my family the days after as usual (travel involved).
WHY am I freaking? I hate "standing up" his family. They want me to be there...and I always have been. I don't want to play "happy little family" with H in front of people. He would like the game because he has always HAD to have me WITH him to see his family--weird, I know. BUT, he has never minded "standing up" my side of the family. My family didn't even notice he wasn't there at Thanksgiving because he never comes to see them anyway.
(His stepmother and half-sister are leaving messages which are sweet but make me feel bad. I don't want to go and I'm not going to though. I can't expect them to understand but I'm firm on my decision.)
It's only a few hours. I can do this. Why as I so worried?
WORRY #2: I guess I will have to tell my dad about it all soon. He knows nothing. He sent a big box of presents that took up all the space under the tree. Gifts are for all three of us, all wrapped and pretty. Lots of money involved, I'm sure. Will he be upset that I let him buy for H? I don't know. The thing is, we are spending Christmas morning with our son together--the "happy little family" (NOT, but for sake of son, this year we will do it). ANd I do want him to have things to open. I even got him a gift myself.
WORRY # 3: There isn't any anger involved in this breakup. I'm looking on the board for this kind of breakup and I can't find any. Am I alone? What does it mean? Feeling the need to justify what we are doing breaking up after almost 16 years of marriage now...but I guess I can't justify it: HE decided to leave. I just NOW see that it may have been the right thing. We aren't happy and haven't been for years. We are like strangers. I am terribly shy with him...not at all myself. He sees me with friends and even comments that I act different. I do. It is because I have always made myself into what I thought he expected. And actually, it WAs what he expected. (ANd all this explaining it is why I haven't told people...I don't know why. I didn't start this thing. ANd yet, I tend to explain it like it was needed---and I hate doing that. I hate justifying it...it is all confusing. I hate talking about it to people not on OJAR because they don't "get it".)
That is all for now. I just had to post some feelings. I will be on a lot the next couple of days, I'm afraid.
Re: Taking a deep breath...I can do this. Can't I? flyaway: You CAN do this, manda! You are going to be just fine...and don't do anything you don't want to do simply because it's what you've always done. This time of your life is new, it's different. There will be changes. It's not your responsibility how that side of the family reacts to your decisions. That is their stuff. Don't sweat it.
And wow, kudos for having a "family" christmas for your little guy. That takes a lot of guts. And patience. :) You rock!
I'm also going to be on here non-stop for the next week or so.....hopefully no one will get too sick of me..... ;)
Fly
Re: Taking a deep breath...I can do this. Can't I? smokin: first of all, what am i doing here at 3? i woke up, had a terrible dream about 2 dogs, a chicken, and a bob sled...
well. first off, there have been a few people who Amicabily(sp?) divorced on here.. cant remember their names, but if you really want to talk to someone, i will find them. they also split without anger, and hate.
i think the reason why you may not have anger, is because you have reached a milestone in your relationship, that tells you that you have been the glue keeping this relationship together.
and one other thing. you may as a super teacher, seen kids that have been destroyed by divorce, or bad marriages, and you want to keep z.... from as much damage as possible, thus making it easier on z,,,,, is helping you also?
i think the amount of nothing that R is doing, is really confusing the heck out of you. your wondering what he is planning, or whats next. as far as him not wanting YOU back, thats crap. thats a ploy, to make YOU run to him as fast as you can. HE is reading you like a book. remember the E book i sent you? read it. he also has the ability to do everything the book suggests to get you back. that is one of the stratedges. make them think you dont want them, and they will run to you.
i think that you should tell your parents, just so that they can be some support for you, but at the same time, set guidlines about what they can say, or do for you, and to you. it will help. it will be a big step, but we know your strong. im tired, and ill write more later.......
ps i think it shows wonderful character, to get him a gift, so not to disrupt your sons exmas this year. it will be better soon.............
Re: Taking a deep breath...I can do this. Can't I? manda: okay...they just left...trying not to cry.
Re: Taking a deep breath...I can do this. Can't I? Older Guy: Hang in there. But let yourself cry if you need too. Nothing wrong with that. Better than keeping it in.
OG
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