Re: The request lines are now open Dio: [quote author=dla link=topic=23066.msg214747#msg214747 date=1135702745">
No, I have found much of it. It has to do with being smothered with the family environment, and yet abandoned emotionally as well as used emotionally by my parents (mother especially) to relieve their anxiety.
It is to understand why I have played at being single while being in a relationship I care about.
The ugly thing is that it only shows up in relationships. :'(
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So.....
It's like you are kinda doing the same thing... smothering and emotionally abandoning? Or is it different?
I am way curious about this stuff. I have read about observations to this effect (any psych text book), but never talked to someone actually going through it.
I think the reason I was cheated on was different though. Not what you are experiencing.
Re: The request lines are now open DLA: It you are interested in the psychology of it, you might want to read up on love addiction. Pia mellody is a good resource.
Because of the smothering and the lack of social connection - I was never able to develop healthy intimacy. Which means that when intimacy gets higher or more prevalent, my anxiety level goes up because I can't "swim" in that deep of water of intimacy. I was never taught how by my family. So, I literally drown unless I go back to shallower water - levels of intimacy.
Re: The request lines are now open Dio: And it really truly applies to you like that?
I went through similar experiences in childhood, but came out more stonewalled and apathetic toward people.
I had to go through hell and back to make myself realize how unhealthy and unsatisfying it was to be that way... luckily for me I was able to overcome most of my issues by the time I was 22. The sh*t still creeps up sometimes, I may even be regressing a little bit right now, since my wife left.
I think any major emotional trama does that to me tho.
I think what helped me the most was just accepting what happened to me as a child and making the proactive decision not to be miserable forever, like my poor mother.
That sounds like such a simple explaination and going over the details would be almost impossible without using useless terms like "something snapped inside me"....
I hope you are able to work it out for yourself. I think with sex it may be different, because sex has so many different meanings to different people. It could be an outlet for so many different things. I'm sure it's very hard to deal with.
Re: The request lines are now open DLA: To some degree, yes.
My apathy has to do with my connection to me. I'm going through hell, again. I thought I had learned enough intellectually and that I had a strong enough will. My overcoming it will take more than just knowledge or conscious decisions. No matter how hard I tried, I had a learned behavior that undermines my thoughts, morality, decisions, and desires to have a good marriage.
I just wanted that life and marriage that my XW and I were trying to have.
Re: The request lines are now open charmed: dla, I understand your history leading up to your "addiction" - learned behavior and how it affects everything about you, but was there anything else such as porn that was conducive to this behavior?
Often childhood experiences and environment plays a big role, but once a boy is introduced to porn it can become an addiction because of the effects from childhood, etc. It becomes an escape and often escalates the need for multiple women, promiscuous behavior, risky behavior, in adulthood, thus destroying a healthy relationship.
`charmed
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