Re: The request lines are now open DLA: Thanks for the thoughts.
My story is in my profile, for anyone who is interested. It's on the web page http://home.comcast.net/~dwhiting202/my_story.htm .
Insights? This was my second marriage. After my first divorce, I read everything I could on building and maintaining a relationship. My first divorce hurt.
With this relationship with my XW, I wanted to build a marriage and do things right. I tried to give all I could - but I kept failing. I didn't know why, then. I just thought I was an ugly person who couldn't stay committed, when that was what I wanted most to do.
As far as pouncing on me, no worries. I now know I have an addiction - and I've been told over and over that I was powerless to stop what I was doing. That as much as I knew and as hard as I tried, I couldn't do what I most wanted to do - have a loving, supportive, and intimate marriage with my XW. That doesn't mean that I don't beat on myself every hour of every day because I destroyed the thing and the woman that meant the most to me - that I'm here and she's not.
Hope that gives some thoughts on insights.
Re: The request lines are now open charmed: [quote"> I now know I have an addiction - and I've been told over and over that I was powerless to stop what I was doing. [/quote">
That sentence got my attention. I commend you for speaking out and wanting to help others understand.
I study a lot of psychology, human behavior and it is amazing how much cheating comes from a form of addiction or compulsion. Most of these addictions start in youth. I'm curious as to how/when your addiction started.
`charmed
Re: The request lines are now open superwife: I had to check your profile, to make sure you weren't my ex (ha ha). Since you're not, I'll answer your post. That's quite a story (I only skimmed it, but enough to say WOW!!!). And yes you are brave for posting here, as the theme seems to be those who have betrayed. I thibk the question that needs to be asked, is 'how would you feel if the reverse happened to you?' This is essentially the way I try to teach my child empathy. The fact that he hurt my feelings (I know I sound like a 5 yr old) is big here. And that he lied to me. He told me that "I'm leaving you, since you don't love me anymore", and walked straight into the arms of the OW. It was he who didn't love me, and he wasn't man enough to admit it. Don't get me wrong, I would have been totally peeved if he said "I don't love you, and love someone else", but in the long run , I would have gotten over it easier. I'm really big on telling the truth. He, evidently is not.
I only speak for myself here, but I think some of us here are looking to have their feelings recognized by their ex's.
Re: The request lines are now open DLA: charmed,
if anyone is interested, I also have written on the source of my addiction: http://home.comcast.net/~dwhiting202/reading.htm
superwife,
I'm glad to be considered brave rather than stupid for posting here.
I actually am a betrayed spouse, too. My first wife had an emotional affair with a previous coworker of hers. Other than that, I can only imagine how she felt about what happened. I know I hurt her deeply and in the most vulnerable parts of her.
I listened to my XW frequently, whenever she needed to talk. I tried to validate everything she said and felt. Only she could say whether I succeeded or not.
To answer, I'm not sure of how I would have felt if I were in her position or what I would have done. I'm pretty sure that if she had expressed remorse and wanted to try to reconcile, I would have tried. I did that for my first wife - and I never felt about my first wife the way I feel/felt about my recent XW.
Hope this gives some thoughts
Re: The request lines are now open Dio: "This is why I still have a problem with using video games compulsively. I hide from myself and my emotions. I want so badly to do the good things I want and need to do. When I get overwhelmed emotionally, which is pretty easily sometimes, I use escapism as a coping method"
That's interesting. I do the same thing, but I have never cheated. I'm not making the connection?
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