Okay I am subjecting myself to the wise judgement of the OJARites... Dio: This is the letter I am trying to get to my wife. For those of you who don't know, she left Sunday 12/05. I have had no contact with her until yesterday I sent her flowers. No response.
I would explain why she told me she left, but it's eluded to in the letter.
SHE WILL BE READING THIS LETTER SO I WANT SERIOUS COMMENTS ON THIS. I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU PEOPLE WOULD FEEL IF YOU RECIEVED THIS LETTER.
I am trying to be direct, avoid being adversarial, and be dignified all at the same time.... even though that seems inpossible. Tell me what you think.
Thanks in advance.
Re: Okay I am subjecting myself to the wise judgement of the OJARites... Dio: Dear S,
I've thought about you, about us, and about what happened, every day since you've been gone and there are a few things I need to say to you.
First, I'm sorry. I've hurt you. We both were depressed but I took it out on you. You looked to me for support about work and, I lectured you about it, instead. If you were looking for support, when J was leaving, I didn't see it and I'm sorry. I felt like you were asking for space and tried to give you what you needed. I know it's hard and I miss him, too. I was confused and made all the wrong choices. I feel like I neglected you when you needed comforting and harassed you when you needed space and I am so sorry. I'm sorry I pressured you and made you feel guilty about sex. I never meant to seem unsympathic about your feelings. I understand as much as any man can. I know I made you feel unloved, neglected, and unappreciated. Before you left I saw you withdrawing into yourself, and I just didn't know what to do. I never wanted you to feel alone when I was right there. This incident has opened my eyes. I want you to know that I understand what I have put you through, how I hurt you so badly and why I let it happen, and I am so sorry... truly, from the bottom of my heart. I mean it. I never meant to cause you pain or hurt you in any way. You deserve better than that.
You SO deserve better than that! You are the most wonderful and loving person I've ever known. You have brought joy to my life I never could have even imagined. With you, I can say anything, be anything. You empower me. You listen. You've always listened to me. I've shared things with you I could never share with anything else. With you, I never feel alone. I've been through hundreds of relationships with people and no friend, girlfriend, or family member has ever been as close as I've let you be. And it was worth it to me! To share with you parts of my soul that I've hidden from every other person on this earth. You are the great love of my life. You are my best friend. You've been a great influence on my life and the thought of losing you is unbearable.
I know I can't undo the past. I know I can't take away the hurt that I've caused you. I can, however, change things about myself to make the situation better. I understand what caused the problems in our relationship and am fixing everything I can within myself. I am surrounding myself with discipline. I am working off a schedule and getting up early everyday. I am working out. I am working on ways to control my sexual and emotional neediness, so that I can avoid getting depressed over these issues. I'm staying focused and positive about my job. With the extra time in the morning I'm not at risk of being late. I know the inceasant job hopping has to stop or we'll never be stable. I want you to come home, but I don't want you to feel like you would be returning to the same bad situation. I am not saying that I've become perfect. I don't have any delusions about that. It will take time for all the needed changes that need to be made. I just want you to know that I care and that I am not just talking. I'm doing. I'm making some necessary changes to myself to improve our relationship.
Re: Okay I am subjecting myself to the wise judgement of the OJARites... Dio: You told me you feel nothing. That it doesn't even seem to matter to you. You've put emotional walls in place to help you deal with the hurt. I understand that I have contributed to building these walls. Shutting out your emotions may feel good now, but in the long run you''ll be giving up everything that you've cared about for the last five years. Think for a moment about why you've been in this relationship for five years, about what we've built together, about why you agreed to marry me, about why you could forgive me when I hurt you, about why you felt safe with me... think about how perfect we were together, how we were so happy and in love when we were in each other's arms. How we felt comfortable together, knowing that we were never alone.How everything was okay and we were so strong together. How we laughed together and were so "cute" with each other and made other couples jealous. How we shared so many warm feelings and honored and protected one another. How we were a family... I want you to think about it and ask yourself if sealing yourself off so you feel better now is really worth walking away from all the things that you loved. I hope you come to realize that we had a great thing and that it really is worth saving. We can have all these good feelings again. They are not lost, but it will require a little effort on both our parts to bring them to the surface again. I know it may be hard at first, but sometimes the hardest thing to do right now, is the best in the long run. It is worth it to me to make that effort and I think it will be worth it to you, too.
If you can forgive me, and when you feel you are ready, I want you to come talk to me. I'm not going to whine or beg. But I want to seriously want to talk to you about reconciling. We have a lot invested in this reationship and I don't think we should just walk away from it. I want to discuss what else needs to change - I'm sure there are other things I haven't thought of yet. I want us to communicate like we both swore that we would always do. I want to find all the reasons for the rift that grew between us and abolish them for good. I'm confident that we can be happy together and that I can provide you with all the things you love about me without the things you hate. If we act now, your leaving may have been just the wake up call our relationship needed to be strong again. You have reminded me of why I am with you, and opened my eyes to the problems I have been causing and helped me appreciate even the smallest moment with you. You need to know how much I treasure you. You truly are the love of my life and my best friend. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to throw away everything we've had together. I love you and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
Please think on this. Take as long as you need. My door is always open and I will be here with an open heart waiting to talk.
Whatever you decide, I will always cherish the memory of every moment we shared these past five years.
I love you now and always.
D
Re: Okay I am subjecting myself to the wise judgement of the OJARites... Dio: OMG that's long....
Um... a special thanks to anyone who actually got through it. :P
Re: Okay I am subjecting myself to the wise judgement of the OJARites... WhiskeyGirl: Okay, I have to be honest........for me, this is just a little too long winded. Talk is cheap...you need to show her you have changed and all this other stuff. Be straight and to the point...I don't know your story but it can't be all your fault....so stop taking all the blame. Anyway...in my humble opinion...I would cut it down to just this paragraph
[quote author=Dio link=topic=23068.msg213995#msg213995 date=1135397820">
I want you to come talk to me. I'm not going to whine or beg. But I want to seriously want to talk to you about reconciling. We have a lot invested in this reationship and I don't think we should just walk away from it. I want to discuss what else needs to change - I'm sure there are other things I haven't thought of yet. I want us to communicate like we both swore that we would always do. I want to find all the reasons for the rift that grew between us and abolish them for good. I'm confident that we can be happy together and that I can provide you with all the things you love about me without the things you hate. If we act now, your leaving may have been just the wake up call our relationship needed to be strong again. You have reminded me of why I am with you, and opened my eyes to the problems I have been causing and helped me appreciate even the smallest moment with you. You need to know how much I treasure you. You truly are the love of my life and my best friend. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to throw away everything we've had together. I love you and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
[/quote">
Nothing else needs to be said or it ends up sounding like you are begging.
Just my 2 cents ;D
Good luck ;)
Click More for the next page.
