I wonder... cc: Just finished Christmas Eve dinner with the family...and I started wondering...if my ex and I hadn't of broken up, and me and my best friend hadn't of stopped being friends, would I be enjoying Christmas???
I've always, every year, loved Christmas, and loved getting into it. The whole thing always made me so happy, every time I'd pass the tree I'd glow. This year though...I've tried, but I just couldn't get into the spirit this year. It feels like any other day...isn't it enough to have the two most important people in my life abandon me? Do I have to loose Christmas too? :-[
I'm laughing with my friends and family, but behind the mask and inside me, I'm begging to sob. I hold it in, but...I want so desperately to cry. This can't be the end, can it? Will I seriously never see my ex or my best friend again? Just the thought of it... :'(
siiiigh.......
Merry Christmas...
Re: I wonder... alonewith2: ditto...exactly how you are feeling!! Though I did end the night with a date with a gay man.....so now I'm even more depressed!!
I hope things get better for you!
Re: I wonder... ChiefWiggum: Did he become gay before or after your date? ;D
Re: I wonder... jadedangel: [color=navy"> I have a pretty similiar feeling --- I know my entirety of the holiday would be so different had my ex decided he could actually stick to his word ... and I hate that.
I refused to Christmas shop this year -- didn't let my sister get a tree ... wouldn't make holiday candy/crap ... anything ---- then we went home for Christmas and I really actually realized what I had pushed out of my life ... and the sad thing is right now --- I wish I cared more. All I can hope is to care again one day ..
Don't think your losing Christmas .. maybe this is the bum year -- if you want it back -- you get it back. Fine , give it one year to get the funk out -- I think that is absolutely justified ... then you decide what you want for you ... and do it for you.
Ok ... let's see how well I can walk the walk .. after talking the talk next year ... I know it's rough -- hang in there ... and remember that it comes every year .. [/color">
Re: I wonder... alonewith2: [quote author=ChiefWiggum link=topic=23078.msg214145#msg214145 date=1135489396">
Did he become gay before or after your date? ;D
[/quote">
LOL...I had gone to a party with my sister and I asked the host if Santa had dropped off my present. The host asked what that was, and I said that I had asked Santa to bring me a single man for Christmas. So the host said that Santa did drop off my gift and that there was a single man waiting inside for me. I get inside and the only single man is S who is gay. So I went up to S and said that I guess I should have been more specific with Santa and asked for a single STRAIGHT man, but since I hadn't been specific he had to be my date for the night. It was all in good fun, and we had a great time.....It just reminded me once again that there are no single straight men in my little small town worth beans!!
For me, I wasn't sad missing my STBX. I was missing the IDEA of a family Christmas. When my kids left at 6pm last night to go to their dads, it just hit me that I was ALONE on Christmas eve. I would wake up ALONE on Christmas morning. I didn't have my kids, and I didn't even have a SO to spend it with.....I started crying. I haven't cried in soo long, but I quickly cheered up when I realized that I wasn't thinking about my STBX. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was lonely. But not over him....just over the fact that everything is going so great in my life right now, I now have time to add that SO, but I just don't have one.......and if I had my kids with me, I wouldn't have been thinking about it at all, but it was still a good realization for me.
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