Re: anyone here completely over it? superwife: [quote author=C-Note link=topic=23105.msg214289#msg214289 date=1135559569">
Well this may depress some of you here on OJAR's. I wish I could say I was completely over my Ex, but I'm not. 10 years have passed and she's still on my mind.[/quote"> Yeah, that is a little depressing :(
[quote"> As of 2 weeks ago the knowledge that I may be the father of my Ex's 10 year old child was brought to my attention. I don't have and most like will never have proof, DNA, because the Ex won't let it happen... And they all say I should do nothing because it will destroy my wife and my family and the family of my Ex.
[/quote">
Why would it destroy your new families? Did this happen after you were separated? If so, how long after? You said he's 10, and you've been apart for 9 years.
Anyway, as far as being 'over it', i don't know. Some days I am, some days I don't think so. But I feel like I need to get over it, b/c it is over, whether I want it to be or not. I do want it to be, b/c there's no point in being with someone (or wanting to be w/ someone) who doesn't want to be me. That is one of the 'helping factors'. That, and me knowing that I am better off w/out him, b/c I truly am.
Re: anyone here completely over it? timetobefree: I guess I don't know what 'completely over it' really means. I tend to think I will never be 'completely over it' because I spent 7 years of my life with him. I'm past the hurt and the anger and have been able to move on without regret. Is that what it means? Anyhow...
I'm with Zipsfb. It sounds so cliche and cheesy, but I finally realized that this is my one and only life. This is it...no redos, no replays, no second chances. How could I spend one more second, minute, day fretting over someone who didn't want to be with me? I pictured myself at 75 years old and thought about what I would be thinking/doing/feeling then. I didn't to be 75 and wishing I hadn't spent so much time worrying about him and us and all that garbage.
How I got to that point? ojar, counseling, long talks with friends, lots of time ALONE (I really think that is important), evaluating my life, etc. It didn't come easily or quickly, but it did happen (about 4 months after he cheated on me).
Take care,
Amy
Re: anyone here completely over it? Zipsfb: It really is a big realization once you get it. I don't feel like I wasted time chasing her, but the longer I spend wallowing in my own misery (which has been a lot of time), the more time I waste for no reason. It probably depends on the type of person but some people I think are motivated by this idea of wasting an already too short life. It is freeing thinking about what CAN be and not what COULD have been.
But I think I'm kind of a lame-O... so sorry everyone.
Re: anyone here completely over it? C-Note: [quote author=superwife link=topic=23105.msg214445#msg214445 date=1135621999">
Why would it destroy your new families? Did this happen after you were separated? If so, how long after? You said he's 10, and you've been apart for 9 years.
[/quote">
When my Ex left she moved in with her boss / new man in her life. Up untill then we had been together 5 years. I was in college, working and participating in internships. She left cause she wasn't getting my time to put it short. Plus it didn't help that I money was tight as well, I paid my own way. Her close friends back her and stood by her leaving me. I learned the car she bought 3 months before she left was actually purchased by her boss. I found that out after she moved. That really crushed me. My Ex told me I'll never graduate and I'll always be focussed on everything else. If not college now, then what ever job I'd have in the future.
Well I swore off women and focussed on school. I never knew where my Ex moved to and never had a number to contact her. About a month after she left she came back to my apartment one night at 1:00am. We had sex, spoke little if anything at all and about 3 hours later she got up and left. This repeated itself roughly 2 times a week for my last year of college.
During this time I didn't date or pursue other women, but I was noticed by a friend who I studied with for years. About a month before graduation my friend stopped by my apartment cause she needed a quiet place to work. Well I noticed her that night and things clicked. My Studied partner mover in a week later. My Ex paid a visit unannounced as she had been doing the whole year about 2 weeks before my graduation. I did not let her in that night. My Ex realized I had someone else there, got mad, cried, and after a long awkward moment she left.
I was married, got a job, bought my first new car & house, had a baby and have really been doing good for the past 9 years. My Ex's oldest child will be 10 sometime in Feb of 2006. When I place the photo's of my 2 kids next my Ex's kids photos it's hard for me to ignore the similarities. My Ex's best friend cried when I asked her why she never tried to confirm paternity. Or even why she never bothered to tell me she was pregnant. I was told everything was my fault. that my Ex would have never left if I just gave her some attention. My Ex hated me because after she gave me 5 years of her life she got nothing. Yet I married my wife and gave her the world in less then a year.
The child is a girl. I have no proof, but I think she's mine.
Re: anyone here completely over it? superwife: Okay. Sounds pretty complicated.
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