THANK YOU for making this SO easy... manda: My stbxH has been wishy-washy about what he wants for almost 6 months now. It has torn me up. He doesn't want to be married, he does, he doesn't, he does. Lately, he just doesn't understand WHY I am trying to say NO MORE OF THIS. JUST GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE. So his new attitude is: I love you. I'm so sorry. I was a bad husband. I didn't do anything to support you. I should have been less selfish...yada, yada. Basically because he struggles if I get an ounce of strength.
But, last night I was just having a terrible time. I almost called him at midnight. It was thundering (I get scared during storms now. I didn't use to.) and I just missed him--not sure if it was the storm or what. This morning, my first thought was of him. So, he calls me on my way to work...
AND NOW I just have to say, THANK YOU for making this SO much easier.
He's gone and bought a brand new truck! Lovely. This is so IN HIS CHARACTER. He has stupid spending issues. Now, he will have another 14 months of payments on top of the ones he had and payments that go up about 40 bucks, no, that isn't much, BUT, did he NEED a new truck? No. His was less than 2 years old and had less than 36,000 miles on it. Oh, but the warranty was about to run out. SO? HA HA...THis is just so typical. So Him. And he thinks he has made a great decision. It's a nicer truck. SO? Ahhhh, I just love that he is doing this now. I really do. This just helps me so much.
Re: THANK YOU for making this SO easy... alonewith2: I've realized that with most people, if you just sit back and watch, they will give you plenty of reasons to justify the situation for you!!
Re: THANK YOU for making this SO easy... Peaceandquiet: Random, he sounds about as random with his spending habiits as he does his relationships. AW2 is right, if you just sit back and really take a look at what you want it may not be all that its cracked up to be in your head. You may be in love with the vision of what that person what was, or what you saw in him at one time, but if you look, really look, is it the person you want to be with now. I fought with the same thoughts months ago, I found that I was just in love with the idea of having my ex with me, not being with me. I am much better off without her, and I have a feeling you are too.
Re: THANK YOU for making this SO easy... Lumpy: Have you called him out on what he's been doing? (In regards to his moving out, putting the marriage on hold, etc.) Has he asked to move back in? If he's sorry regarding his behavior why hasn't he moved back? Are you not sure that's what you want anymore? I can understand why his making a financial decision without consulting you first would upset you. Try not to let it be the straw that broke the camels' back though...
Re: THANK YOU for making this SO easy... JNA: They never change no matter how many promises to change...
Not to be "harsh" or anything but...Brutal Honest Time if that is ok
You are more a widower than a jilted lover...All you are doing now is hanging around the cemetery waiting for the sod to move
It's about that hopeless...waiting for your SO to change or even make a serious (honest) effort at change Promises by him to change are probably nothing more than a stall...
Yes, they lie...He lies...And if he gets caught in one lie, he probably tells a bigger one to cover his tracks if the truth were known
You are nothing more to him than a source of supply for his selfish needs. And as long as you allow yourself to be such a source, he will forever use and manipulate you to no end...He feels no tie or obligation to you for your countless kindnesses. Once you stop being what he wants you to be, and he sees this, he will drop you like a three foot putt...and move on to spread his happiness elsewhere.
He will not change. Certainly you cannot change him...The only person you have control over is yourself Your choice: you can continue to maintain the death watch at the foot of the grave of your Grand Illusion,...or...you can start looking for what you want in life...It may not be a simple choice but may all of your choices be as obvious
I dated someone like this one time and they wore me down under a torrent of lies...broken promises and shattered dreams...I broke up with her twice And after each separation there was an immediate PHYSICAL relief I could actually feel my neck and shoulders again...
IF (and I repeat IF hoping you will not get back with Mr Charm) you get back with him the longing you feel now for him would immediately be replaced with that familiar anxiety which would build until your heart is in your throat...
YOU MISS THE DREAM...NOT THE REALITY
People like this are a proven source of misery for you and anyone else who enters his life. You now know this. You didn't at first, like the rest of us didn't when we met our ex's. We do not seek misery. But if we choose to stay...? Move forward in your life and know that your ex will be just fine...They'll "all" be just fine...
Stay Strong
JNA
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