To my current BF superwife: I want you to know this comes from the bottom of my heart. I am being completely honest with you, as i have always been. I'm going to try not to beat around the bush...
It's been 9 months since ex and I split, and I thought I'd be in a much better place by now. And I'm not. The drama continues, I deal with it a little better each time, then it happens again. In some ways I am much better off. But emotionally speaking, I'm not quite there yet. I know everyone has their own way and timeframe for healing. I don't know how long my timeline is, nor do I truly know how long yours was/is.
I told you from the very beginning that this was not what I was looking for. I was in no way ready for a serious relationship. I wish I would have made that clearer, and resisted. I have been in 2 committed relationships for exactly half of my life, and they both ended badly. I am known for rushing into things. I let my emotions and your kind, loving and charming personality get in the way. Then I thought to myself, I don't want to be lonely, I like him, he likes me (yes it was more than like, I'm not minimizing the feelings). So I convinced myself that having a boyfriend would help me get through it easier. Especially someone who has been through it too. I figured a single, unmarried guy without kids would not be able to put up with me, or understand. But sometimes I wonder, what exactly did you go through? Not what I did, this I am pretty sure of. Could have been similar, but I can't imagine that. I don't want to start drawing comparisons between you and your ex, and me and my ex, but you've seen first hand what I deal with. And even if your ex was as bad as mine (or worse at times, as you have said), you found it in your heart to forgive her. And you've gotten past it. Way past it, it seems. I know you are doing the right thing for your 'family', and I have no concept of what that's like. So maybe in 5 years, if I'm still not divorced, and ex can walk in and out of my house as he pleases, and sleeps under the same roof as me, and I become a 'grandparent' after his cat (that he got since we're separated) has kittens, I'll understand. You can call me jealous, because I am. And call me selfish, because for once in my life I am.
Maybe I'm reading into this too much. Do you see this as a commitment?Maybe I see you and I differently than you do. I doubt it. After about a week of dating, you declared to me that you were not looking for anyone else, and removed your profile. I naturally felt compelled to do the same. You were 'committing' yourself to me. I know there's no ring on my finger, and I really don't want one. Heck there may not have ever been one. But, in my opinion two things have happened:
1- I realized that I am not ready for a commitment. I was stupid to think I was. Nor do I think I want one right now. It's just not healthy for me. I have enough stress in my life right now. I still have plenty of things to sort out on my own.
2- Neither are you. You still have things you apparently need to sort out. I am a very understanding person. So please, help me to understand what is going on with you and your ex. I can't promise I will accept it. But I just want to ask you... have you accepted that your marriage is over? You can ask me the same question, if you need to.
What we have does not have to (or at least did not have to) be a commitment. If I knew what your true situation was (I know you told me, but seeing it first hand is different), I would have been okay with us just hanging out and fooling around. Heck, I was only separated 4 months when we meant. But I can see that time is only a number. But you seemed to want more than that. At first that's what I wanted, then I changed my mind. I enjoyed the pseudo-security you provided. Now I am realizing I have to find my own security, within myself, if I am ever going to get over my divorce.
I really would like to talk about this, if you want to. I just needed to break the ice this way, because I didn't want to leave anything out.
Me
