Advice needed on my upcoming divorce.... exhaulted: Hello,
Been here for a while and I am often adamant about moving on and never looking back. Its been a rough ride for the last few months and my story is horrible. For those of you who know me, my marriage ended becuase my wife of 4 years ( 10 years together total) decided she would never be the woman I wanted ( a loving wife and mother). She left me, bought a sports car, got a tattoos, and put up her profile on various dating sites while she claimed to clearing her head . Blah blah blah .....you guys know the drill.
Since then our contact has been minimal. I have enforced a no contact rule and have not once called her since August. Now Our divorce will be finalized in February and she has has contacted me a few times to see how I am doing and ask probe questions ( what did you do for thanksgiving, whatya doin for Xmas, blah blah blah). I live in Cali so the divorce is 50/50 and I am not worried about divulging anything really. We do not talk about who we are dating or anything like that.
Do I love her? Yep. Do i think about her all the time? Yep.
The damage between is so great that I had to move on and not look back. I have tried everything possible to work things out. But it just did not do it.
She even slept with someone else ( or more) and broke vows. I was still willing to work it out. I know....I know.....i deserve better.
So here I am, 34, single, no kids, successful, and getting divorced.
I dont want to be divorced and I still do love her. But how could i forget all that she has done to hurt me?
I am wondering, since we are so close to getting this finalized. Should I even ask her if this is what we want? I mean is it really what we want?
Doubt in its smallest concentration is hard. I mean i am considering calling and meeting with her.....a little help in getting my head straight would help
much love
exhaulted
Re: Advice needed on my upcoming divorce.... Suddenly Single: Did she make you happy? Try to put aside the fear of failure, fear of being alone and fear of getting a divorce and try to really sift out if she is the woman for you - often people try to stay in the marriage more out of fear than out of true happiness. Are you afraid of being lonely? Facing divorce and rebuilding your life is a scary thing.
Sit down, clear your head and try reflect is she really is the one for you and if you were truly happy. What made you happy? How did she make you feel? Do you share the same goals in life? did you guys seek counseling?
Do you want to be a dad? Does she want children?
Maybe you have already done these things and that is great but you want to make sure either way that it is what you really want.
Good Luck. SS
Re: Advice needed on my upcoming divorce.... turning leaf: [quote author=exhaulted link=topic=23507.msg218577#msg218577 date=1136333733">
I am wondering, since we are so close to getting this finalized. Should I even ask her if this is what we want? I mean is it really what we want?
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Nothing is too late yet. Talk one more time and see if this is really what you want. What have you both been doing the past 4 months leading up to D day in February? Did you check if there's been a judgement in your case alrady? There might be a judgment on your petition already and just waiting for the 6 months and a day waiting period, you know.
Re: Advice needed on my upcoming divorce.... snkpack5: Think about it for a few more days and do what you think is best for you down the road, not just right now. If she feels this way, chances are she will continue to do so unless there is some radical change. If you think you will be on the road to divorce in spite of a reconciliation now, save yourself the pain of going down that road and just get it over with now. Just because it hurts and you doubt does not mean its not the right path for you. I am so much happier without my ex now and I never wanted the marriage to end. Ironically, what I wanted and what I needed were not the same things. Now I know better.
Re: Advice needed on my upcoming divorce.... exhaulted: Well......such great advice from you guys. Thanks
It has been 8 months since we seperated and in that time she has done so much to humiliate or hurt me, i just do not have the words.
I think ultimately, I have to ask my self if i can forget what she did. Forgive? Yes, Forget? No. By forgiving, I release myself from torment.
I like the advice here....ill give it a few days and consider the things told here. Its not easy to brush aside fear of this or that, but it has to be done to come to some conclussion in me.
I personally feel I could not be with someone or have them be the mother of my kids if they slept with some one else. Thats a big no no for me.
Will update soon.
HAppy thoughts,
exhaulted
